


reruns all become our history

by cheryltonis



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Cause the Blossoms be freaky like that, ChONI AU, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, F/F, Pseudo-Incest, Toni also needs a hug, friends to strangers to lovers, jason is alive, jason is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-09-29 16:08:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheryltonis/pseuds/cheryltonis
Summary: cheryl and toni were best friends as kids until fate tore them apart. ten years later, toni is trying to find her place in the world while cheryl is on the other side of the tracks, being forced into an unconventional marriage. but when fate brings them back together, can they reconnect and give each other what they need most?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! i'm back with another fic with goo goo dolls lyrics as the title. this one was inspired by penelope blossom's back story in 3x04 and how she grew up at the sisters of quiet mercy until she was adopted into the blossom family. but both cheryl and jason are gay af so there's no incest or even pseudo incest, but i had to add it in the tags just to be safe. 
> 
> anywho, this is just the prologue. chapters won't be posted as frequently as they were with 'i just want you to know who i am', but i'll try to update weekly if people end up enjoying this!

"You'll never catch me!" 

"Oh, yes I will!"

Cheryl shrieked with laughter as she ran around the garden. Her best friend Toni was hot on her trail, reaching a hand out to tag her but falling just a few inches short every time. Toni claimed it was because her legs were longer, but Cheryl knew she was just faster. Despite being a few months younger, Cheryl was always two inches taller for as long as they could both remember.

_"Girls, this is Cheryl," Sister Livingston held the five year old redhead gently by her shoulders as they stood in the doorway of the girls dormitory, introducing her to the group of girls in the large room, aging anywhere from five to seventeen. The little girl sank back into the older woman's body, turning to hide her face in her brown sweater. They were all staring at her. "Come along, dear," she guided her to an empty, rickety metal cot with a thin, worn out mattress on it, "This will be your bed here, right next to Antoinette. She's about your age."_

_Cheryl watched as Sister Livingston placed a few folded garments on top of the wooden crate at the foot of the bed, lifting her eyes to meet the light brown ones of the curly haired girl on the bed beside hers. She smiled and waved, but Cheryl just looked up at Sister Livingston again as she started to unfold a white sheet. "Your bed is to be neatly made every morning," the older woman looked to Cheryl as the little orphan played with the scratchy red sweater on her arms, "The older girls can help you if you find yourself struggling. Sheets are to be changed every Sunday before mass, understand?"_

_Tears formed in her large, brown eyes as she nodded._

_"Use your words, dearie."_

_"Yes, Sister Livingston," she lisped around her missing front tooth._

_"Good girl," she smiled, tucking the sheets under the flattened cushion of a mattress before putting a lumpy pillow into a plain white pillowcase, "Your clothes are washed on Wednesdays. You have a week's worth of dresses, sweaters, night gowns, socks, and undergarments in your trunk." Cheryl watched as a thin blue blanket came down over the mattress, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her cardigan. "Dinner will be at six o'clock sharp in the dining hall every day. Breakfast is at seven, and lunch is at twelve. Most of the girls are usually out in the garden around this time, but considering the weather," the nun trailed off as thunder rumbled in the distance._

_The little redhead shivered from the cool draft, sniffling, "Yes, Sister Livingston," she mumbled._

_"Don't cry, child," Sister Livingston ran her fingertips against the girl's chubby cheeks, wiping her tears, "With God as my witness, you're going to be all right."_

_Cheryl watched as the woman walked away, standing still and shivering in place._

_"How long do you think 'til the Blossoms snatch her up," she heard some of the older girls whispering and giggling behind her._

_She had only been here for a few hours and she already hated it. She wanted her mommy and daddy._

_"Hi," a squeaky voice made her flinch as a pink tint covered her cheeks. The girl with curly hair had approached her, wearing the same blue dress and red sweater just like every other girl in the room. "My name's Toni and I'm almost six. The sisters call me Antoinette cause that's my long name, but I like Toni better. I like your hair. It's red orange like a fox. Foxes are my favorite animals. I saw one once! It was near the edge of the garden. What's your favorite animal?"_

_Cheryl just looked at the shorter girl, dumbstruck. Her mouth hung open a little as she thought about her answer, but couldn't seem to think of one._

_"What's the matter?"_

_"I have to go to the bathroom," the little redhead whispered, crossing one leg over the other. She had a juice box with her lunch at the sheriff's station and hadn't been given the chance to go since she got here._

_"Oh, well come on! I know a shortcut," Toni took her hand, running for the door to the hallway._

"Girls, get up for heaven's sake!" Sister Dean clapped her hands at them as they fell, giggling onto the grass.

"Told you I'd catch you," Toni smirked as she got up, wiping her dirty hands on the skirt of her blue dress. 

Cheryl giggled breathlessly, doing the same, "You cheated."

"I don't cheat, I'm just fast like a fox," the nine year old brunette placed her hands on her hips proudly. 

"We'll see about that," Cheryl glared at her devilishly, lunging for her. But the other girl screamed and ran in the opposite direction. 

"Girls!" Sister Dean's voice faded behind them as they bolted around the garden.

Cheryl was in paradise here. She had a warm bed and hot meals three times a day if she was good. But more importantly, she had her best friend. She and Toni had been closer than two peas in a pod since the day she had arrived at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. They did everything together. Being the same age, they were in the same class for school hours, even though sometimes Sister Frances would have to separate them. They played together during free time, they ate together at meals, they were inseparable. They were each other's favorite person.

_Thunder shook the walls of the old building as lightning flashed through the chattering windows. Cheryl tried to ignore it. She put her pillow over her head and hid under her thin blue blanket, but nothing could calm her rapidly beating heart. She'd always been scared of thunderstorms. Even before the dreaded storm that took her parents away from her last year. And this was the worst one she'd seen since then._

_She squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered as another crack of thunder shook the walls, hugging tightly to the teddy bear she had gotten for Christmas. Even with her eyes closed, and the blanket over her head, she could see the flashes of lightning. Throwing the blanket off her head, she smoothed down her hair and swung her legs over the edge of her cot, placing her feet on the cold concrete floor before crossing the small space between her bed and Toni's._

_"Toni," she whispered as loud as she could. She didn't understand how the brunette could possibly sleep through something like this. Clutching her bear, she wiped her palms on her linen nightgown, flinching with a yelp as the room lit up and vibrated with another boom of thunder. Panicked, her eyes widened as she crawled under the blanket on Toni's bed, cuddling up to her best friend._

_"Cher?" the other girl stirred in her sleep, her voice louder than necessary as she woke up._

_Cheryl 'shh'ed her quickly with a finger to her own lips, "We're gonna get in trouble."_

_"Why are you in my bed?" Toni whispered._

_Her mouth opened to whisper her answer, but another crack of thunder beat her to it, causing her tighten her grip on the shorter girl, trembling against her. Toni didn't ask any more questions. She just wrapped her arms around her best friend, innocently burying her face in the long red hair and rubbing her back._

_"I'm scared, Toni," the six year old whimpered._

_"Don't be scared, you're with me," Toni whispered with a smile that Cheryl couldn't see, putting the redheaded orphan at ease even if it were only for a moment between cracks of thunder._

"I got you!" Cheryl laughed victoriously as she crashed into Toni's back. The brunette had suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, frozen solid on the grass. "Toni?" She came around to her side, looking at her profile as she gazed up at the building they called home. She was going to wave a hand in front of her face to get her attention when a tap from above them caught her own. 

The two eight year olds glanced up at one of the windows, seeing someone leaning their head miserably against the glass and patting their hand against it weakly from the inside.

"What do you think goes on up there?" Toni asked quietly. They'd heard rumors about the west wing from some of the older girls, but no one knew the truth. Some of them said that people get sent there at random for misbehaving. Some of them said they do science experiments on them and toss them in the woods when they're done. One girl, Katie, who used to sleep in the bed across from Cheryl's, got sent to the west wing three months ago. And no one had heard from her since. 

"Whatever it is, I don't think I wanna find out," Cheryl shook her head as they continued to stare up at the teenager in the window. 

"Cheryl!" both girls flinched at Sister Woodhouse's voice. No one liked Sister Woodhouse. She was a mean old woman, and if she weren't such a holy, devout nun, Cheryl and Toni would have assumed she was a witch. 

"Yes, Sister Woodhouse?" she turned around, tucking her fiery red hair behind her ear and fiddling with the sleeves of her sweater. 

"Come with me, dear, there's someone we'd like you to meet," the woman with white hair held a hand out. 

Cheryl looked at Toni, both their eyebrows knitting together in confusion before the younger girl stepped towards the old nun. 

"I'll see you at dinner, Cher," Toni waved before running off to play with some of the other girls. 

The redhead watched her run off over her shoulder, letting Sister Woodhouse guide her towards the door with a gentle hand on her back. Who was here to see her? Was she being adopted? No one had come to the Sisters to adopt a girl in a while. She barely remembered her own parents, but she was content where she was. 

The stone gargoyles in the hallway stared her down as they made their way to the girls dormitory. She never liked them, but Toni had made up funny names for all of them, which made them at least easier to look at. They passed, Sir Fluffy Butt, the last gargoyle on the left before entering the dormitory. There were two very fancy looking adults standing in the center aisle between the rows of beds. One was a man with flaming red hair like her own. He was wearing a perfectly pressed business suit and shiny leather shoes. The other was a woman with her own fiery red hair pulled back in a tight bun. Black gloves covered her hands and she was wearing a slim black pencil skirt and a red blazer.

"Cheryl, this is Clifford and Penelope Blossom," Sister Woodhouse introduced her to the unfriendly looking strangers. 

_**Blossom.** _

Cheryl didn't know who the Blossoms were, but some of the mean older girls would call her "Cheryl Blossom", telling her all about the family that's been coming here to collect redheaded children for decades. She never thought it was true.

"And this is the _only_ redheaded girl you have?" Clifford's gruff voice startled Cheryl a bit. Were these people here to adopt her? Why were they talking about her like she was a pound puppy?

"Yes, sir, but I promise she's a well-behaved little girl," Sister Woodhouse smiled wide, something Cheryl very rarely ever saw. 

"Very well, if she's all you have to offer," Penelope sighed and lead Clifford out of the dormitory. 

"Wonderful, I'll meet you in my office and we'll sign all the documents," the white-haired woman grinned and pat Cheryl on the back. The youngest redhead watched as the two of them left the room, leaving her alone with Sister Woodhouse. "You're being adopted, Cheryl, isn't that swell?" the nun bent down to her level with a hideous smile full of yellow teeth, and she tried her hardest to hide her grimace. 

"Can I go back to recess now?" she asked quietly. 

"I'm sorry, dear, but you have to pack your things. As soon as those papers are signed, you're going to your new home."

"What about To-" she started before Sister Livingston came into the room with an empty brown potato sack, already getting to work on stripping the sheets off of Cheryl's bed. What was happening?

"Sister, see to it that Cheryl gets her belongings packed and bring her to my office," the older woman smiled and left the room as Cheryl stood, frozen in a mix of shock and fear.

Her heart was thumping in her ears as her palms started to sweat. She didn't want to leave. Everyone in the orphanage had dreams of being adopted into a nice family, getting a comfortable bed and meals that didn't include warm mush. And as appealing as those things sounded, Cheryl was more concerned about Toni. What would happen to her? When girls turn eighteen around here, they're let out into the world with nothing but a potato sack of their belongings and job applications. What if she never saw her best friend again?

"Cheryl, come along, pack up your things," Sister Livingston instructed her firmly as she bundled up the sheets from her bed. 

Cheryl glanced between the sack in her hands and the trunk that contained everything she'd acquired since being here. Her teddy bear, macaroni jewelry, art projects. She couldn't just pack up everything and leave the only life she knew. 

Looking at the back of Sister Livingston's too familiar brown cardigan, Cheryl dropped the sack and ran for the door, running as fast as her slip on shoes would carry her. 

"Cheryl!" 

She ignored the nun's call behind her as she ran down the hall, tears blurring her vision as the door to the garden seemed to get farther and farther away. But she reached it and nearly stumbled on the gravel path that started just outside the door, looking around desperately for her best friend.

"Cheryl, come back here!"

She ran through the grass, weaving around the stone statues and rose bushes until she caught sight of the wavy brown hair she knew so well. 

"Toni!" her voice was hoarse already as she made a mad dash for the brunette, crashing into her just as she turned to face her. 

"Whoa, Cher, what's wrong?" the older girl giggled despite her confusion, hugging Cheryl as she clung to her for dear life. 

"I-I'm being adopted, T-Toni, I don't wanna go," she whimpered into the thick mane of brown on Toni's shoulder. 

"What? But that's a good thing...right?" Toni rubbed her back over her matching red sweater, tears starting to form in her light brown eyes, falling quickly to the wool of Cheryl's sweater.

"No it's not, cause I'm never gonna see you again," Cheryl cried, tears streaming down her cheeks as she clung desperately to the girl that had been her rock for the past four years. 

"But-"

"Cheryl!" Sister Livingston was rapidly approaching from behind her and she just held tighter to Toni, unsure of what else to do. She couldn't just keep running. 

"Please don't let them take me, Toni," the redhead sobbed into her best friends neck, "Please!"

"Come along, girlie, you're going to your new home, you should be happy," the nun came up behind them, trying to pry the two apart. But they held on to each other tighter, refusing to be separated. "Sister Dean!" the older woman called for help as the girls muffled their cries in each other's shoulders.

Cheryl could feel herself being lifted off the grass, but she kept her hold on her best friend, not letting go even as Toni was lifted up in Sister Dean's rough grasp. The more the nuns tried to tug them apart, the more the girls cried, desperate to stay together.

"Please don't make me go, I don't wanna go," Cheryl's voice trembled as she felt herself being pulled farther away from Toni, far enough to see the pained look on her best friend's face. Toni never cried. Toni was always the strong one, the brave one, the one who comforted her when she was scared and stood up for her against the mean boys when they made fun of her red hair. 

"Girls, cooperate or this won't end well for either of you," Sister Livingston warned, but they didn't listen. They clung together as best they could as they were tugged in opposite directions. Shoulders, arms, hands, fingers. And before they knew it, they were torn apart.

"No!" Cheryl shrieked, watching as Toni fought against Sister Dean and reaching for her desperately. She wanted her best friend. She needed her best friend. She didn't know how she would survive in the big, scary outside world without her. "Toni!" she cried, kicking and screaming as she was carried away. She fought as hard as she could, not taking her eyes off the brunette until she felt a sharp pain in her arm as a large, bulky hand held it still. 

"Stop! Don't hurt her!" Toni's shrill screaming started to fade as her vision went blurry and she just couldn't fight anymore. She was just so tired all of a sudden...

_"Cheryl!"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your comments on the prologue! i keep doing odd or ooc plots so thank you all for sticking with me! this chapter is all from cheryl's point of view, ten years after her adoption.

"Cheryl, sit up, we raised you better than to slouch," Penelope muttered coldly from the arm chair across from the love seat where the youngest Blossoms were seated. Just like every Sunday after church, the copper-haired family were sitting in silence. As usual, Penelope was doing needlepoint, Clifford read the paper, Jason was on his phone, and Cheryl was reading a book. The only sound in the room was from an old VHS recording of a Bob Ross program that played on a small TV on a rolling cart for Nana Rose, the elderly woman completely entranced by the man's soothing voice and vivid brush strokes. 

"I'm sorry, Mommy," Cheryl sat up straighter, rereading the sentence she'd left off on. Though, distraction came once again when Jason chuckled from the spot beside her. She glared at him subtly before returning to her book. He was probably texting Kevin again. Kevin Keller had been Jason's boyfriend for the past two years. Not that anyone knew besides Cheryl and their friend Josie McCoy. She, Josie, and Kevin were the only people who knew that Jason was gay. Even if their parents knew, they would probably still prefer him over her. Jason was their pride and joy, a Blossom by blood. As hard as Cheryl tried, she could never please them. From day one, she felt like nothing but a thorn in their sides.

_"M-Mommy?" little Cheryl tip-toed into the bedroom of her brand new parents, wiping her clammy palms on her long nightgown. It was her first night in her new home and she was terrified. Her bedroom was dark and she was all alone. She was used to sleeping in the same room with a bunch of other girls, one of whom was her best friend. Her bare feet itched against the rug that surrounded the king sized bed, walking carefully to Penelope's side. She was too afraid to bother Clifford. Truth be told, she was too afraid to bother Penelope as well, but she was the lesser of two evils. "Mommy?" she whimpered again, reaching a trembling hand out to gently shake the woman's shoulder._

_Penelope flinched with a sharp gasp as she awoke, causing the her to jump back in fear. "What are you doing in here at this time of night?" she hissed, lifting her sleep mask from her face and picking up the alarm clock from her nightstand._

_"I-I threw up," Cheryl whimpered as tears streaked from her eyes, "I'm sorry." She sniffled, shuffling her feet as she tried to swallow down the foul taste in her mouth. She hadn't mean to get sick, obviously. But after four years of stale bread and hot mush, being forced to finish a large meal of foods she'd never had before had her feeling queasy all night._

_"The help has already gone home for the night, Cheryl, what do you expect me to do about it?" Penelope whispered, glaring daggers at her new daughter._

_"C-can you help me clean it up?"_

_"Go fetch some towels from the linen closet and clean it to the best of your abilities. Helga will have to clean the rest in the morning."_

_"I-it's on my bed and my p-pillow," her voice shook along with the rest of her body. She felt like she could vomit again any second from fear alone._

_"Do you realize how expensive those bed sheets are?" the woman squeezed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sat up again, carefully getting out of bed to avoid waking her husband._

_Cheryl held in a whimper when Penelope roughly ushered her out of the room by her shoulder. She was lead down the dark, desolate hallway. The eyes of the people in the paintings that lined the walls staring at her. She would have to come up with funny names for them like Toni did for the stone gargoyles at the orphanage. Though, she doubted she would ever be able to come up with funnier ones than Toni. God, she missed her best friend so much already._

_The stopped at the large wooden door across from her own, Penelope reaching out to twist the crystal doorknob. "Jason, darling," Penelope's voice changed dramatically, turning sweet and nurturing as she flipped on the small lamp by the door. Cheryl watched as the boy she'd only met hours ago at a diner sat up, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. "Is it all right if Cheryl spends the night in here with you? She had a little accident."_

_**"Little accident?"** Cheryl thought, trying to keep from furrowing her brows. Penelope hadn't exactly treated it like a 'little accident'._

_She watched as Jason nodded, scooting over to the side of his own queen sized bed as Penelope nudged Cheryl forward. Looking back at the woman, uncertainty filled her eyes as she crawled up into the bed, nestling under the covers and keeping her distance from Jason. She'd never shared a bed with anyone before besides Toni. And she certainly never wanted to share a bed with a **boy**. But it was better than sleeping on her vomit covered pillow. She just didn't understand why she couldn't stay in one of the guest rooms for the night._

_"Sleep tight. We're going for a factory tour bright and early tomorrow," Penelope smiled sweetly, flipping the lamp back off after the two little redheads laid down._

_**Strange.**_

_With a sniffle, Cheryl wiped at her eyes, laying on her back in awkward silence on the edge of the bed, staying as far away from her new brother as possible._

_"Are you scared, Cheryl?" Jason whispered from beside her._

_She didn't turn to face him, she simply nodded her head as another tear slipped from her eye. She wanted to go back to her creaky cot at the orphanage. She wanted to look over and see her best friend in the bed beside her. She wanted to go home._

Jason laughed again, causing Cheryl to roll her eyes. She loved her brother to death, but something about his relationship with Kevin lit something up in her that she couldn't explain. It gave her a horrible feeling in her stomach and she could just feel her body heating up with rage. She wasn't homophobic. She loved Kevin. He was one of her very best friends. Along with Josie, the four of them were thick as thieves. But ever since Jason turned to Kevin for comfort after ending things with his reptile of a fuck buddy two years ago, being around them just angered her. At least when Jason was with Jaws or whatever the kid's name was, she didn't have to be around it. He never brought him home. 

"Kids, your mother and I will be going to have a meeting with Father John to discuss arrangements for the union," Clifford folded his newspaper up and lowered his reading glasses, glancing across the room at the two nineteen year olds. 

Cheryl inwardly cringed at the mention of the wedding. She learned all about the Blossom family history, not long after being adopted. There hadn't been a Blossom born without red hair in centuries. Red hair was like a symbol for wealth and power in this town. If it were possible to put the copper locks on the family crest, they would have. Throughout history, the Blossoms had been ensuring that every baby born into the family had the signature red tresses by any means necessary. Penelope had been adopted into the family and groomed into complying with the lifestyle and traditions. Same with Nana Rose. And now, it was her turn. 

But even after ten years of training, Cheryl couldn't bring herself to even be a little bit okay with marrying her brother. Just the idea made her sick to her stomach. It technically wasn't incest. They weren't related by blood, but he was still her brother. Her _gay_ brother. 

"Will you be joining us?" Penelope's voice made her instinctively sit up straighter once again. 

"I actually have plans with Josie, Mommy," Cheryl offered the woman a small smile, placing her bookmark between the pages of her book before glancing at her phone for the time, "I told her we could meet at Pop's to catch up a bit more before she leaves for school."

"Yeah, and Kevin and I were gonna go shoot some hoops at the park," Jason chimed, putting his phone down. Cheryl resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. She didn't have her book to hide behind this time. 

"Very well. Just be home in time for dinner," Clifford told the "twins" firmly, satisfied when they both nodded before getting up. 

Jason headed straight upstairs while Cheryl hung back to kiss Nana Rose's cheek before following him up, stopping him from closing his bedroom door with a slam of her palm against the wood. 

"Is it _entirely_ necessary that you keep fooling around with Kevin behind Mommy and Daddy's back?" her gaze was like ice as she met his brown eyes. 

"I can't very well start fooling around with him in front of them," he snorted, keeping his voice down, "What's your deal, Cher? You've had such a stick up your ass ever since Kevin and I started dating."

"I do believe he was _my_ friend before you used him as a rebound from whatever the hell you were doing with that snake."

"Leave Fangs out of this. That's all in the past."

Folding her arms over her chest, Cheryl frowned at the hurt look in his eyes. Jason had always been there for her, and she hated being upset with him. "Fangs is a stupid name," she mumbled, averting her gaze. 

"Damn, and I was hoping to name our kid that," he smirked before laughing as he was immediately punched in the arm.

"That's not funny. This whole situation is fucked up, and you know it," she seethed, not finding it funny in the slightest. 

"I know that, but do _you_ wanna be the one who breaks a tradition that's been going on for centuries?" Jason quirked an eyebrow at her, answering his vibrating cell phone before Cheryl could respond. "Hey, babe."

Cheryl watched as the door was closed in her face, leaving her alone in the dimly lit hallway. She stood in place for a moment longer as she waited for the feeling to pass. Jason got everything. Jason got better toys at Christmas. Jason got to take swimming lessons while she was forced to learn piano. Why did he get to be in a happy relationship with someone he loved while she had never even been in a relationship at all?

Stomping her foot against the rug, she huffed and turned on her heel, going into her own room and slamming the door behind her.

**xxx**

Cheryl pulled up to Pop's, parking her cherry red convertible, huffing at the lack of parking spaces. Figures Pop's would be packed on a Sunday afternoon. What was Josie thinking wanting to meet here, of all places? Circling the diner for the third time, she took the first open spot she could find, not caring that she took it from someone who had been waiting. She got here first. She slammed the car door, flipping her long red hair over her shoulder as her heels clicked against the unkempt pavement on her way to the double door entrance. She rolled her eyes when she entered, seeing a gaggle of ruffians loitering right in her path.

" _Excuse_ me," she snapped at one of the plaid and leather clad slackers, noting the bubblegum pink streaks in her hair as she pushed past her.

"Excuse _you_ ," the girl muttered from behind her. 

As fired up and frustrated as Cheryl was, she wasn't in the mood to argue with some random biker chick. She was already late for meeting up with her best friend. 

"Hey," Josie waved her over, quirking an eyebrow when the redhead plopped down in the booth across from her, "What's got you in such a mood? Is shit with your family still stressing you out?"

"Isn't it always?" she rolled her eyes, plucking the cherry off the top of the milkshake Josie had ordered for her.

"I still can't believe they're really making you and Jason follow through with that crazy tradition. Like, it's the twenty-first century, there's gotta be a way out of it. Or around it."

"Maybe, but I don't want to be the one to stand up to Mommy and Daddy about it. I'm already the least favorite child, I don't need to give them another reason to hate me," Cheryl sighed. She was opening her mouth to speak again when a loud round of obnoxious laughter interrupted her. Turning her head, she glared back at the same band of gang-bangers that had so rudely blocked her path earlier. "I wish Pop Tate would be more strict on who he lets in here."

"It's a diner in Riverdale, girl, not the Ritz-Carlton," Josie chuckled, picking at her fries. 

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes, sipping at her milkshake, "What classes are you taking this-"

The ding of Josie's phone and the squeal she let out cut her off, and Cheryl watched, confused, as her thumbs moved at the speed of light. "Let me guess. Archie Andrews?" her face stiffened as she folded her arms over her chest.

"Perhaps," Josie smirked, putting her phone down, "He wants to take me to the drive-in before I go back to school."

"Ugh, but he's so..."

"What? You know redheads are my weakness. And the only other fine ginger in this town is your brother and he's obviously not an option," Josie's lips turned up with a chuckle. But Cheryl didn't even show a hint of a smile. "Oh come on, Cher, I meant cause he's gay, not cause of your family's gross tradition."

With a roll of her eyes, Cheryl leaned forward to sip at her milkshake again. That same feeling of anger that she got whenever Jason talked about Kevin was back. She didn't know why she was so angry. But why was everyone around her abandoning her? First her brother, who was supposed to be her main companion, and now Josie. For as far back as she could remember, she was nobody's first choice, and she was sick of it. Just once, she wanted to be someone's priority. 

"Hey, I'm leaving for Cali in a few days, I don't want our last few days together fighting," Josie cocked her head, holding her hand out across the table. 

The redhead looked at the perfectly manicured nails, unable to help the small grin that spread on her face as she reached back for her hand. "I'm sorry, Jos. I just feel like everything's changing. It's toying with my mood," she muttered, looking at the contrast of their skin tones as she ran her thumb along her smooth knuckles. 

"How about I schedule a salon date for my last day? Massages, mani/pedis, the works," the curly-haired girl offered, showing off her pearly white teeth, "What do you say, Bombshell?"

Cheryl's smile grew as she ducked her head, tightening her hold on Josie's hand. "You know me too well."

"I'm your best friend for a reason."

**xxx**

"Jason, darling, please put your phone down," Penelope smiled sweetly, thanking him as he did what she said. Cheryl had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. If she had her phone out at the dinner table, she'd be sent to her room. She was nineteen, and they still treated her like the nine year old orphan who was still learning the rules. Meanwhile, Jason was the prince who could do no wrong.

"We discussed the ceremony with Father John. As you both know, it is to be kept in confidence," Clifford stated firmly as his children nodded. Though, they'd both already spilled the Blossom family's biggest secret to their two closest confidants. "He'll be coming on the eve of the autumnal equinox, and your union will be solidified at midnight to kick off the harvest season."

"That's next month..." Cheryl glanced up from her glazed ham. She knew the union would be soon, but she hadn't realized just how soon. 

"Precisely," the older man nodded, "He'll be coming by to bless the house weekly until then to assure that the union takes place in a holy setting, and as always, we expect you both to be polite and courteous when he's here, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Jason nodded, cutting into his ham. 

"Understood, Cheryl?"

The youngest Blossom felt like she was slowly slipping under water, her body going tingly and numb as her chest tightened. All she had to do was say that she understood. It was simple. There was no way out of this and she knew that. So she might as well just play along with a smile instead of trying to fight it. But her fingers trembled as the walls started to close in on her, her breath catching in her throat every time she tried to speak. 

"I said, do you understand, Cheryl?" Clifford's booming voice startled her, making her heart beat impossible faster. 

"Y-yes, sir," she stammered, pushing her chair back and placing her cloth napkin on the table, "Excuse me."

"Cheryl?" Jason furrowed his brows, watching as she ran out of the dining room. But she left the wondering as she grabbed her purse and keys from the hook by the front door, unable to leave the house fast enough. 

The warm evening air made it a little easier to breathe, but she just wanted to get as far away from Thornhill as possible. Throwing her purse into her convertible, she climbed into the driver's seat and sped down the long cobblestone driveway with no idea where she was going to end up. 

Passing the property gates and mailbox, she turned onto the main road and pressed harder on the gas as she tried to even out her breathing. Tears flooded her eyes as the setting sun nearly blinded her, turning onto the nearest road so the sun wasn't directly in front of her. The road seemed to go on for forever. She would keep going until she ran out of gas if she had to. Anything to escape the gothic, gloomy prison that she called home. She didn't know what she wanted, or what she needed. Did she need to go see Josie? Did she need retail therapy? Whatever it was, she needed to find it. Fast. 

She drove around town until dark, still unsure of where to go. She could easily cross the town line and just escape Riverdale for good, but just the idea of leaving town, alone with nothing but her car and the clothes on her back terrified her. 

Like a guiding light, she drove towards a red neon sign, breathing a sigh of relief when the word 'BAR' appeared more clearly in the bright red glow. 

"Oh, thank god," she breathed, speeding towards it and swerving into the dirt parking lot. Her fingers wiped the spilled tears from her flushed cheeks as she threw the car in park, glancing up at the building she'd never seen before. 

_THE WHYTE WYRM_

It was a strange name for a bar, but for once, she wasn't going to judge. She just needed a drink to clear her head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! thank you for your patience with this update! if you don't follow me on twitter and don't know, i was on vacation this past weekend and decided to change my update schedule to wednesdays instead of saturdays. i'm hoping i'll be able to get the next chapter out in time, i've been exhausted lately and i'm trying to get back into the swing of regular life after being away for a week. but i hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

There was a perk to living right above the Whyte Wyrm. On days when she had a long shift and a whole hour for her break, Toni could just go right upstairs and sneak in a power nap if she needed one. Only problem with that is Toni couldn't take a power nap if she tried. It took her forever to get to sleep, and by the time she managed to fall asleep, she remained that way for at least an hour. So rather than power napping, she kept herself busy. Whether it be cleaning up after her roommates or taking a brief shower to get the stench of beer off of her, even though she would inevitably get more spilled on her again.

Pulling a loose tank top on over her bralette, she bunched her hair up into a ponytail. She wasn't putting her jeans back on. No way in hell. It was too damn hot for that. She was wearing shorts and she would just have to deal with the consequences if her boss saw. Her shift was about to start back up and she didn't have time to change her mind and play it safe. Grabbing her phone and keys, she locked up the apartment and made her way down the metal staircase on the side of the building that lead straight to the employee entrance. 

She'd only worked at the Whyte Wyrm for about a year now. After the sisters let her out into the real world, she was pretty much left to fend for herself with nothing but her belongings, an identification card, and high hopes. It wasn't too long after leaving that she stumbled upon the south side of Riverdale, finding a home in the people she met rather than the location. Sweet Pea and Fangs were the first two she met. They were a few years older than her, but they took her in and talked to F.P. Jones about getting her a job at the bar. And since then, so much had changed. Just a year and a half ago, she was a lonely, troubled orphan with no friends or family. And now she had a family. She had joined the Southside Serpents just a few months ago. She'd learned the risks of joining a gang, but she'd been to hell and back at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. At least in the gang, she had protection and connections. 

"Dude, c'mere," Sweet Pea pulled her aside just as she clocked back in, towering over her in the small stock room. 

"God, what now?" 

"There's a chick out there at the bar, and-"

"I'm not covering so you can take another drunk girl home, Sweets," the pinkette folded her arms across her chest. 

"She's hot, but no. Listen, the chick with the red hair sitting on the far end...she's only nineteen, but just...give her whatever she wants."

"Why? Is she _that_ much of a bitch?"

The tall boy ran a hand through his hair almost nervously, "She's a _Blossom."_

Why did that name sound so familiar?

"Blossom...?"

"Yeah, they're pretty much the most powerful family in town. They make the maple syrup or whatever that's in every household in Riverdale. We don't fuck with'em. But this is honestly the first time I've ever seen one of them on the south side."

"What does them making maple syrup have to do with them being powerful?" she snorted with her brows knit together in confusion. 

Sweet Pea just rolled his eyes. For once, he was being serious and she didn't seem to believe him. "Only the fact that they sell enough of it to make them enough money to do whatever the fuck they want."

Toni peeked around him, trying to catch a glimpse of the girl, but couldn't see past Fangs. 

_**Blossom.**_

Why did that name give her such a bad feeling?

_"Hey, Blossom," one of the twelve year old girls approached the two seven year olds in the garden._

_"Why do you always call me that?" Cheryl glanced up at the older girls, squinting in the sunlight._

_"Cause we're sure it'll be your name soon. No redheads ever stay here for long," the older girl laughed with some of the others behind her._

_"Why?"_

_"No one knows. Once they get adopted by the Blossoms, no one hears from them again. People have been talking about it for years."_

_Toni watched as her best friend's eyes shone with tears of fright as she clutched her teddy bear tighter in her lap. The older girls walked away down the garden path, leaving the pair alone in the grass by a rose bush._

_"Do you think that's gonna happen to me, Toni?" the redhead asked quietly._

_"I dunno," she frowned, scooting closer to her, "But if it does, they're probably really nice! And they have lots of toys for you to play with and a big, comfy bed and lots of pretty clothes."_

_"Like a princess."_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Maybe you could come with me and we can be princesses together," Cheryl giggled, holding her teddy bear tighter, "Cheryl and Toni Blossom, Princesses of Riverdale!"_

Sending Sweet Pea out for his break, Toni stood at the doorway between t he bar and the dish room, arms folded over her chest as she picked at the loose threads of her tank top. What if it was her? What would she say? This was the girl who Sister Woodhouse said never wanted to speak to her again. Her memories of her time at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy were rather fuzzy, but she could never forget that, or how heartbroken she felt after being told that her best friend in the whole world wanted nothing to do with her anymore. 

Taking a deep breath, Toni pushed herself off the doorframe and walked out behind the bar, grabbing a rag to start wiping down the counter. Fangs was piling up glasses in a tub to take to the back, so she couldn't even use him as a distraction. It was just her and the melancholy redhead at the end of the bar. A few other patrons as well, but they weren't her concern right now. 

"'Scuse me!" the flushed woman waved a hand at her, barely picking her head up as her arm waved sloppily. All Toni saw was four shot glasses on the counter in front of her. But considering her body language, she could only assume that Sweets had given her straight tequila.

"What can I get you?" Toni approached her tentatively, still wiping down the counter around her.

The woman picked her head up and Toni was met with deep brown eyes. Glassy, but familiar. Though, the sadness in the shiny brown orbs quickly turned into annoyance as Toni watched them nearly roll back in her head. "Ew, it's you."

The pinkette quirked an eyebrow. What had she done to deserve that? 

"Uh...do I know you?" she asked, resisting the urge to bite her lip nervously. 

"You were so rudely blocking my path at Pop's earlier today with your band of hooligans," her gaze was almost menacing. Maybe this wasn't Cheryl. "Hasn't anyone told you it's rude to loiter? It's even illegal in some areas."

"If you must know, we were waiting on a table."

The woman in red just scoffed with another fierce eye roll. "Whatever. Can I just get another drink?"

"I need to see ID," Toni cocked her head with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Are you kidding? I'm three shots deep."

"Look, I don't make the rules, I just work here."

She rolled her eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time and reached for her wallet, pulling out her driver's license and tossing it in Toni's direction. 

With a rapidly beating heart, Toni stared at her as she picked up the ID card, biting the inside of her cheek as she bravely peered down at it. She ignored the date of birth, her eyes immediately going straight to the name under the photo. 

_Cheryl Blossom_

"Shit," she muttered, unaware that she had said it out loud.

"Be sure to check the name on that. I'm sure my father wouldn't hesitate to try to get this sleazy hole of a bar shut down," Cheryl slurred a bit.

Toni barely registered what she said as she stared at the ID. How could this possibly be the same Cheryl? _Her_ Cheryl? This couldn't be the Cheryl that crawled into bed with her at the slightest hint of thunder. The Cheryl that snuck extra food from the dining hall for her when she had been sent to bed without supper for mouthing off to the nuns. It just couldn't be. 

"What can I get for you?" she asked in a bit of a daze. 

"Honestly, I don't care. Preferably something a bit lighter than...these," the redhead hiccupped delicately, "Whatever you recommend."

Toni studied Cheryl's face as she tapped away on her phone, the blue light illuminating her face even more. So _this_ is what happened to her best friend.

"Do you stop understanding English all of a sudden?" her glassy eyes snapped up to meet hers. Did she not recognize her? She couldn't look that much different after ten years. Then again it's not like they were forty after seeing each other for the last time at thirty. They were kids the last time they saw each other. 

"Sorry...What did you ask for?" she shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to focus. 

"Whatever you recommend," she watched as Cheryl waved a perfectly manicured hand at her as she looked back down at her phone. 

With a nod, the pinkette ducked under the bar, trying to calm her racing thoughts. This was Cheryl, as unbelievable as it was. Apparently getting adopted into the richest, most powerful family in Riverdale changes a person entirely. What was she supposed to say? _"Hey, remember me, we used to be best friends at the shithole orphanage on the outskirts of town before you got adopted and refused to write to me,"?_ She couldn't exactly open a conversation with that.

_"What's wrong, Antoinette?" Sister Woodhouse came to sit beside her on the creaky metal cot, "Why aren't you outside playing with the other girls?"_

_"I-I miss Cheryl, Sister Woodhouse," the small brunette wiped her tear-stained cheeks, "She hasn't written back to me yet. It's been two weeks."_

_"Oh, dear...that's actually what I came to talk to you about," the white-haired nun sighed, lifting Toni's quivering chin with a hooked finger, "Antoinette, we sent out your letter and the Blossoms reached out to tell us that Cheryl would prefer not to hear from you again. They didn't explain why, but apparently she's very upset with you."_

_Toni's eyes widened as they shone with a fresh batch of tears. Why would Cheryl be upset with her? She promised Cheryl that she would protect her the night she arrived at the orphanage. She couldn't protect her from being taken away. But she couldn't be mad at her for that, right? She couldn't expect a nine year old to fight the system._

_"I'm very sorry to break it to you, sweetheart. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. But I didn't want to keep your hopes up that you would hear back from her."_

_She nodded as Sister Woodhouse rubbed her back soothingly. She was going to ask the nuns if they could ship Cheryl's belongings to her, like her teddy bear and the picture frame they'd made in art class. But they were all she had left of her best friend, stowed away at the bottom of her trunk._

"What's this?" Cheryl asks as Toni places a tall glass in front of her. 

"It's a strawberry daiquiri. I figured strawberry's your favorite since red seems to be your aesthetic," she smirked, wiping her hands and cleaning up the shot glasses.

"Aren't you the observant one?" Cheryl quirked an eyebrow, swirling the straw through the tall drink, "Cherry is my favorite, actually. Strawberry is my brother's thing."

Ugh _Jason_. How was he so cool with all of this while Cheryl was living in a bubble of anxiety every day? Plagued by nightmares and panic attacks. Sure, he was a Blossom by blood, and the favorite child, but he was _gay_. Something their parents had a major problem with. They didn't know, but if the roles were reversed and Cheryl had a secret girlfriend, she would be panicking day and night at the possibility of them finding out. 

Kevin, while she still loved him, didn't seem to care about her as much anymore. Not now that he had Jason. Maybe he was only friends with her to begin with to get closer to her brother. It wouldn't surprise her if that was the case. Everyone seemed to only want to be friends with her or associate themselves with her until they got what they wanted. Even her own family. They were just using her to keep their sick, ginger bloodline going. They tried to persuade her with the fact that by being a part of this gave her money, power, and a cushy lifestyle for the rest of her days. But there were days, most days, when she thought about how much happier she would be if she could have a life of her own. One where she could find love with anyone she wanted.

Her fingers trembled as she sipped at the daiquiri, trying not to let her fears and insecurities take over. Was this what it was going to be like? Even after the union? Jason would be flitting off with Kevin wherever the hell they pleased while Cheryl sat at home? Doing all the cooking, cleaning, and caring for whatever children they were going to be forced to have? She couldn't live like that. She'd been left alone pretty much her entire life, she couldn't bear to spend eternity like that. That was no way to live. She wasn't destined to be happy. There was no other explanation for it. 

Cheryl's heartbeat thumped in her ears as the noise around her drowned out. She stared into the glass, watching the red liquid descend lower and lower down the cylinder. Her eyes stung with tears as her body shook in her bar stool. A feeling of nausea was settled in her stomach and she couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or her overactive nerves. But whatever it was, she felt like she would vomit at any given moment. 

Toni pulled down on the beer tap, keeping the stein angled just right. She watched the foam rise to the top of the mug when the sound of fallen glass caught her attention. It wasn't an uncommon sound in this place, but if it was a spill, she'd need to get someone on it right away. She turned her head to see where the sound had come from, nearly dropping the stein when she saw the tall daiquiri glass tipped over onto the counter, and a visibly shaken Cheryl, red in the face and black-tinted tears striped down her cheeks. 

It was like an instinct she didn't know she had, when Toni handed Tall Boy his beer, grabbed a clean rag, and made her way around the bar until she was beside the redhead. "Cheryl? Hey, Cher, what's wrong?" she asked, trying to get her to face her. She wasn't sure if it was okay to touch her.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," she stammered out as Toni wiped the cold drink from her pristine white jeans. Though the cold was thankfully giving her something else to think about besides her awful situation at home. It served as a nice distraction. 

"No sweat, it happens all the time," the pink-haired girl shook her head and started to wipe down the counter. 

Cheryl looked at the woman beside her, watching her every move. Why did she feel so...familiar? The look in her eyes made her feel warm and at home. She'd never felt that way about a total stranger before. 

Toni caught her eyes, running a warm hand up and down her shaking arm. Cheryl's eyes were filled with such a familiar sadness and pain and her heart nearly broke in half for her. She didn't know what was going on with her, but suddenly she was nine years old again, ripped to shreds at the fact that she'd failed to protect her best friend. Everything was rushing back to her so fast. 

"Hey, it's fine, shit happens," Toni rubbed her arm gently. She was really shaken up. 

The younger girl took a shuddering breath, unable to fill her lungs enough to even her breathing. Fresh tears sprung to her eyes as she coughed. It was all too much, the cold moisture on her jeans, the smell of cigarette smoke, the noise of other people in the bar. She couldn't be in here anymore. Her watery eyes darted around as she looked for the nearest exit, nearly shoving Toni aside as she stood on wobbly legs. 

"Whoa, hey, careful," Toni steadied her, her own heart thumping heavily in her chest. She was scared, a rare feeling for her. But she cared about this girl, even though it had been a whole ten years since they last spoke. "Come with me."

Cheryl's hand shook in hers as she followed her blindly. She didn't care where they went as long as it was out of this bar. Her vision was blurred as she stumbled over her Louboutins, following Toni until she took in a shallow breath of fresh air. At least it was fresher than inside. She could feel herself being eased into a seated position on the rickety metal steps of the fire escape as she tried to look for something steady. But the only constant she could find was the pink hair and tanned skin in front of her.

"Cheryl, I know it's not easy, but I need you to just breathe right now, okay?" Toni stood in front of her, trying to keep her eyes steady and focused on her. "Take a deep breath in through your nose, as deep as you can, and let it out through your mouth." She rubbed her arms soothingly as she coughed through her attempts, but she kept instructing her on how to breathe, smiling when she started to calm down. Tears still stained her porcelain cheeks, but she was more concerned with not having her pass out right here by the dumpsters. 

"There you go, deep breaths in and out," she instructed, demonstrating to have Cheryl try to breathe with her. The look in her eyes was so pained that Toni could feel it in her gut. This girl didn't even know who she was and yet Toni was here wishing she could take her pain away. "You okay?" she asked gently, just above a whisper as the redhead seemed to calm down. 

Cheryl's shiny eyes stared into hers, and Toni silently begged for the girl to remember her. How could she not remember? They were best friends once. "Cher?" she asked again, but all she got in response was Cheryl standing up hastily to lean over the railing, emptying the contents of her stomach over the edge and onto the gravelly pavement. Toni just winced and held her hair up, rubbing her hand over her back in soothing circles.

As she leaned over the railing, Cheryl wondered if there would ever be a day that she didn't feel pain, whether it be emotional or physical. It seemed hopeless, as she was currently feeling both, unable find the light in the darkness that filled her life. Her best friend was leaving her, her other best friend didn't care about her, her parents were just using her, and Jason...well, he wasn't exactly her favorite person right now.

"Come on, I've got something you can change into," Toni sighed as she sent a quick text to Fangs, letting him know that she was going upstairs. She lead the shaking redhead up the metal stairs to the small landing of the second floor, unlocking the door as Cheryl slumped against her. Sweet Pea quirked an eyebrow at her as he looked up from his Xbox controller. "Don't ask," she mumbled, crossing the living room with the stumbling redhead beside her. 

"Wasn't gonna," he turned back to his game.

Toni closed the door behind her, drowning out the noise of Sweet Pea's video game only slightly through the thin door. The noise from the bar could still be heard, muffled through the floor, but it was better than nothing. She sat Cheryl down on the foot of her bed, steadying her before rummaging through her drawers for an old pair of sweats. 

"Why are you being so nice to me? You don't even know my name," Cheryl slurred, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. 

"I know your name," Toni smiled a little.

"I mean _I_ don't even know _your_ name," she repeated, bobbing her head on the words for emphasis. 

Toni bit her lip gently and handed her the clothes. "Here, you can change into these. I'll be right back," she sighed, handing Cheryl the ratty old clothes. They were Sweet Peas when he was twelve before he hit a major growth spurt. Lucky for her, he kept them and they fit her loosely, just how she liked them. 

She left the room quietly, closing the door behind her to give Cheryl her privacy. It wasn't until she had her back pressed to the thin wood that she felt like she could breathe. Out of nowhere, her childhood best friend had somehow come back into her life. And with that came ten years of painful memories; Things she had thought she'd left behind. 

Sweet Pea chuckled and paused his game, taking his headset off. "Tiny, when I said to give the chick whatever she wanted-" 

"Shut up," she cut him off and brushed hair from her face. She had too many thoughts swirling around her head, she didn't have time for his jokes. 

"I've only been on break for thirty minutes, what the hell happened down there?" her roommate asked, watching her cross the room to the attached kitchen, getting two bottles of water and some advil. 

"It's a long story, Pea and I don't really have time to tell it," she frowned, throwing back a few pills before carrying a few back to her bedroom with the water bottles. 

"Okay, but I'm not making her pancakes in the morning like Fangs does for the rest of your hookups."

"She's not a hookup," she flicked him off quickly before disappearing back into her room where Cheryl was struggling with the drawstring of the sweatpants. "I'll get that. Take these, they'll ease the hangover," she chuckled a little, handing Cheryl the pills after cracking open a water bottle. She tied the drawstring carefully around her slim waist as the redhead took small sips.

"Thank you," she whispered hoarsely, clearing her throat before pouting, "You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Why are you doing all this for me?" Cheryl asked, sitting back down on the edge of the bed, nursing her water. 

"Can't a girl do something nice for a stranger?"

"You don't feel like a stranger," she whispered, glassy brown eyes staring into her own.

Toni bit down on her lip again before going to her closet, sifting through her belongings until she found a shoebox buried in the back corner. Fishing it out, she ran her hand over the dusty lid, her heart pounding in her chest as she contemplated whether or not to show her. 

"What are you doing?" 

The sound of her voice made her flinch nervously, but she stood up, bravely taking the box with her as she sat beside the inebriated redhead. "Just...open this," she sighed, handing Cheryl the shoebox carefully. The redhead just shot her a look of confusion before casting her eyes down to the dusty box in her lap. 

"First tell me your name," she whispered out slurred words almost inaudibly into the dimly lit room. 

The brunette licked her dry lips, swallowing the lump in her throat slowly. "Toni," she whispered back, equally as quiet. Cheryl's demeanor didn't seem to change as if realization had struck her. She remained slightly shaken and as delicate as she could be in her drunken state, slowly taking the lid off the shoe box. Toni watched, anxious as Cheryl looked into the box. There were a bunch of tattered papers, most of them covered in drawings of the two of them in their blue dresses and red cardigans. There were tangled strings of dried macaroni jewelry, a few popsicle stick picture frames with _"Cheryl and Toni"_ written on them in sloppy elementary level penmanship.

Cheryl's breath caught in her throat as she started to remember. She thought Toni wanted nothing to do with her after she was adopted out of the Sisters. 

_"Did I get anything?" the nine year old stood at the front door, eagerly awaiting for Helga to bring back the mail. She'd lived with the Blossoms for two weeks. She was getting used to it, but she still cried herself to sleep at night, wishing she was with Toni. Since her parents died, Toni was the only person she could say she loved._

_"Not today, Miss Cheryl. Maybe tomorrow," the housekeeper gave her a sympathetic smile as she came back through the door._

_"Why would **you** get any mail?" Penelope's sneering voice came from behind her. _

_"B-because we mailed a letter to Toni last week...remember?" Cheryl shuffled her feet shyly, "I'm waiting for her to write back."_

_"Oh, dear, your father didn't tell you..." the older woman sighed and ushered Cheryl to sit in the den where Nana Rose was watching her stories in the corner. The newest Blossom glanced up at Penelope, her innocent brown eyes wide and filled with curiosity." The orphanage phoned the other day. Apparently they gave your friend your letter, but she didn't have any interest in reading it."_

_"But...why? Toni's my best friend," the little redhead already felt tears brimming in her eyes._

_"They mentioned something about her being too upset with you for leaving her. They tried to explain to her that you could keep in contact, but...she just wasn't interested. Perhaps she's simply jealous that you were adopted and she wasn't."_

_Cheryl watched as Penelope waved her wine glass around carefully as she spoke, biting down on her lip. Toni was mad at her for being adopted? She couldn't help that. It wasn't her fault and it certainly wasn't her first choice. Toni had never been mad at her before and she couldn't even fix it._

_"Don't cry, sweetheart. You can leave that wretched place behind you now. You'll want for nothing here. And soon, you won't even remember her name."_

_Cheryl stood up from the arm chair and wrapped her arms around her new mother's slim waist, feeling less than comforted at the feeling of her hand barely resting on her upper back. She didn't want to forget Toni. She'd give up all the fancy dresses and expensive toys she had here just to see her best friend again._

"I-I thought..." she hiccupped, closing her eyes as the room started to spin, "I thought you..."

Toni bit her lip, getting up briefly as Cheryl peered down into the shoebox, letting the memories all come flooding back to her at once. Sniffling, she sat back down, holding out the small, ratty teddy bear that Cheryl had gotten for her first Christmas at the orphanage. Tears streamed down the redhead's already stained cheeks as she reached for the stuffed bear. It was missing one of its button eyes and the stuffing was starting to come out from under one arm, but it was the same bear she had left behind by no choice of her own. And all this time, Toni had kept it for her, as well as the rest of her things, in hopes that they would meet again.

"I tried to write to you, but Sister Woodhouse said you didn't want anything to do with me," Toni whispered, her own silent tears starting to fall. 

"My parents s-said the same thing when I-I tried to write to you," Cheryl tried to hold in the heavy sobs that were threatening to come up from her chest, failing miserably as she brought a shaky hand to cover her mouth. "I-I didn't know, or I would've-"

"Hey, it's okay," the bartender ran her fingers through her long red hair on her back. She was never one for showing a lot of emotion, and this was probably her first time crying in front of someone since she was a child. "It's okay, Cher."

In a blur, Cheryl placed the shoe box on the floor and wrapped her arms tightly around Toni, crying into the bubblegum pink hair on her shoulder. She may have been drunk, and it may have been ten years since they last saw each other, but Toni's embrace still made her feel as safe as it used to. Like nothing could touch her when she was with her best friend. 

All this time, they'd been living on opposite sides of Riverdale, repressing memories of each other. Even the good memories are painful when you're under the impression that the other person wants nothing to do with you anymore. 

"I missed you," Cheryl whispered with a shuddering breath, tightening her grip on her as best she could with her weakened arms. 

Toni squeezed the redhead gently with her face buried in her ivory neck. It was still hard to believe that it had been ten whole years without her best friend. But on the other hand, it seemed like so much longer. "I missed you too," she muttered, hugging Cheryl tighter, scared that she'd lose her forever if she let go again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes hello i'm still shaking from seeing my tweet pop up in madelaine's video. catch me screaming from the rooftops about it on the daily from now on.

She didn't know what happened last night, but Cheryl knew that the room she woke up in wasn't her own. Her bedroom smelled like lavender chamomile, whereas here, the first thing she smelled when she woke up was stale beer and cigarette smoke poorly masked by febreeze. The lighting was different, she could tell before her eyes were even open for the day. With a groan, she sat up holding her head and squinting as she opened her eyes. The cheap, tattered blinds did a terrible job of blocking out the morning sun. But she felt comfortable and safe the second she remembered whose room it was.

_Toni._

Her old best friend and protector. Her Toni that she hadn't seen in ten whole years. Suddenly the faint smell of cigarettes and beer wasn't so bad. She was just mad at herself for making such a poor impression. 

Stretching and untwisting her large t-shirt, Cheryl sat up and ran a hand through her tangled hair, perking up a bit when she smell of bacon hit her nose. She wiped the drool from the side of her mouth and stood up, making her way to the door and out into the main living area.

"Morning," an unfamiliar male voice greeted her from the attached kitchen and suddenly she wasn't as comfortable. He was tan, a little short with dark, spiked hair...maybe Toni's boyfriend...?

"Hi," she muttered hoarsely, rubbing her forearm, "Where's, um..."

"Toni? She just ran out for milk, ours was expired," he explained, "I would've gone, but she gets scary when she's hungry and I'm the only one in this place that can cook." Cheryl nodded with a hint of a smile and looked him over from over the top of the counter, watching awkwardly as he flipped the sizzling bacon in the pan. "I'm used to making breakfast for the girls she and Sweet Pea take home anyways."

That didn't put a very good feeling in her stomach. She couldn't be mad at Toni for that. She hadn't seen the girl in ten years, she barely knew her anymore. It wouldn't be fair to get mad at her for living her own life. But despite ten years of forgetting about Toni's entire existence, she couldn't help but feel a bit sick to her stomach thinking about Toni entertaining god knows how many girls in the bed she'd slept in just last night. Not to mention the fact that she liked girls in the first place. For some reason that made her stomach drop while her heart pounded in her chest at the same time. 

"But anyway, she'll be home in a few minutes, she just went up the street to the store. You can make yourself comfortable if you want," the man in the kitchen smiled politely. At least he didn't seem creepy. 

"Thanks," she mumbled, clearing her throat as she went to sit on the couch. It was set up with a fluffy pink blanket and a flat pillow. Had Toni slept out here last night? She hardly even remembered falling asleep. She just remembered hugging her long lost friend as tight as she could.

"I'm Fangs by the way," he spoke up from the kitchen again.

Her back stiffened as her body froze. _Fangs?_ As in Jason's snake of a fuck buddy, Fangs? Cheryl wasn't exactly sure where she was, but this place was entirely too run-down to be on the north side. Glancing around, she spotted a black leather jacket hanging on the edge of a chair with the Southside Serpent logo on the back. Holy shit, where was she? What had Toni been doing over this past decade to associate herself with them? 

"What's your name? Toni didn't exactly say much before she left," he chuckled, running a spatula through the eggs on the stove.

Even if Cheryl wanted to say anything to him, she couldn't even form the words in her head. What was Toni doing living above some sleazy bar with gang members? Was she one of them? Was she aware of how dangerous that gang was? She had to be if she was living with them. But Toni wasn't stupid enough to do that, right?

"I-I..." she stammered, staring at the jacket across the room, "Excuse me, I have to, um..." She met the man's eyes briefly before disappearing back into Toni's bedroom. She gathered her clothes from last night with haste, her eyes falling on the shoebox of her old things. The childhood she adored was in that box. But she left it all behind. She barely claimed it as her childhood anymore. She'd forgotten all about it until now, it didn't even feel real. Swallowing back tears, she slid her heels on, not even worried about how ridiculous she must have looked wearing such casual lounge clothes with her Louboutins. If her mother saw her right now, she would have a fit. 

_"Presentation is our priority, Cheryl,"_ Penelope's voice echoed in her head.

She grabbed her purse before leaving the room, dashing past Fangs with a hurried excuse to leave and an apology, nearly tripping down the unstable metal stairs on her way to her car. Now that it was daylight, there was no doubt that she was on the south side. The buildings around her, the unkempt roads, even the smell in the air just made it apparent that she was no longer on the north side of town. She'd never set foot on this side of the tracks on her own until last night, though it was unintentional. 

She prayed she didn't run into Toni as she stepped carefully around the gravel to her car. She was in no place to talk to her right now, as much as she wanted to. She'd found her long lost best friend after ten years, she wanted to talk to her, to catch up on everything, but...she couldn't get over the fact that Toni was associated with such dangerous people. People that her parents had warned her about for as long as she could remember. 

Cheryl didn't find safety in places, she found safety in people. And Toni had been her safety net for so long, the thought of her not being someone she could turn to made Cheryl's stomach turn. She couldn't trust a Southside Serpent. No matter who they were.

Getting into her car, she threw the gear shift in drive and sped out of the parking lot, leaving a trail of dust behind her. Figures the one chance she had at happiness would get ripped away from her so soon.

**xxx**

Toni's brows furrowed from behind her helmet when she noticed the lack of red convertible in the parking lot of the Wyrm. The engine vibrated under her seat as she pulled up beside the building, bringing her bike to a stop before taking her helmet off and propping it up on the kickstand. She never thought she would ever end up driving a motorcycle. But it was cheaper and much more convenient for her than a car.

Holding tight to the bagged quart of milk, she climbed the steps, a part of her hoping that Cheryl's car just got stolen. But she had a sinking feeling that when she went into the apartment, the redhead wouldn't be there.

Twisting her key in the lock, she closed the door behind her, frowning at the sympathetic look she learned got from Fangs. "She left?"

"A few minutes ago. I introduced myself and she just...ran out," he explained.

"Shit," Toni ran a hand through her pink and brown locks, setting the milk down on the counter.

"Not like you to sleep on the couch after bringing someone home."

"This wasn't like that," she shook her head, "We, um...we used to be friends back at the orphanage."

"Oh..shit, T..." the serpent put the spatula down, turning to face her, "How long has it been since-"

"Ten years," she released a breath she didn't know she was holding, feeling emotion start to bubble in her chest. Toni wasn't emotional. She didn't do emotions. Not anymore. "She...she got adopted out when we were nine. She was m-my person, my best friend. We never went anywhere without each other and then just one day, she..." She stopped herself with a deep, cleansing breath, squeezing her eyes shut. Cheryl didn't leave. She was taken. They were ripped apart and forced to forget about each other.

"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to explain," Fangs came over to wrap her in a much needed hug, "Did you get her number or anything?"

The pink-haired girl just shook her head against his shoulder, suppressing the urge to sniffle, "No, I didn't get the chance to." Her heart clenched at the idea that she would never see Cheryl again. It was the same heartache she got every day in that hellish nunnery after she was left alone. But Cheryl didn't leave. What the sisters told her about the redhead never wanting to hear from her again, it wasn't true. But it was all she had believed for the past decade, it was hard to let it go. 

"It's fine," she pulled back, shaking her head with a fake smile before retreating back to her room. "I'm just gonna go back to bed. I'll have leftovers later."

"Better make sure you get to them before Sweet Pea gets home from class," he called after her, "I'm off today if you need to talk, T."

"Thanks, Fangs."

She shut herself into her room, trying to make the ache in her chest go away. Why was she so upset? She'd gone ten years without Cheryl. It wasn't like they reconnected and got their friendship back to what it used to be last night before Cheryl disappeared this morning. She was drunk and probably didn't even know where she was or who brought her there. But Cheryl wasn't one of her drunken hookups. She was someone she shared a past with, someone she had a connection with. And now she was gone again, pieces of her childhood still sitting in a shoebox on the stained carpet by Toni's bed.

**xxx**

"Okay, what's up with you?" a voice broke Cheryl from her thoughts. Not even the gentle but firm touch of the burly male masseuse could put her at ease. The knots in her upper shoulders were basically permanent.

"What do you mean?" she picked her head up out of the face rest, turning on her side to look at Josie on the table beside her. 

"You've been quiet since I picked you up this morning. We always dish at the spa, Cher."

"I guess I don't have much to say today," she bit her lip, placing her face back in the hole in the table, trying her hardest to loosen up. But she couldn't shake the added tension she'd been holding for the past five days. She wanted to believe that Toni was just a ghost from her past; Nothing but a drunken hallucination. But she remembered how safe she felt wrapped in her embrace that night. It was the first time she felt truly warm and comfortable in years. It was just like the Toni she knew, selfless and caring enough to open up her home to a stranger, give them clothes and a bed to sleep in. 

_Ugh, the clothes._

They were folded in a pile on the floor of her closet. She had to return them at some point, but she couldn't bring herself to face Toni again. Not after she ran out of her apartment without her knowledge like a coward. Not to mention Toni hung around with Serpents. They would probably skin her alive if set foot on the south side again. 

"Not very Blossom of you to not have anything to say," Josie chuckled, "Come on, I've known you for what? Almost five years now? I've never known you to be this quiet unless something's bothering you. Even with your normal family shit going on, you have something to say about it."

"It's nothing, can you please drop it?!" the redhead snapped her head up to look over at her, feeling instant regret when Josie remained perfectly still, the curls behind her head not even moving. Great, now she felt guilty on top of everything else. Sitting up, she shrugged the masseur's hands off of her, waving a hand to shoo both of them out as she covered herself with the crisp white sheet. "Jos..." she sighed, "I'm sorry, okay? It's just...a lot happening all at once, some old some new, and I don't wanna worry you with it all when you're leaving tomorrow."

"You know I don't mind if you vent, Cheryl. I'm not gonna judge. Let's face it, if I was gonna judge you for the situation you're in, I would've done it by now," she watched Josie sit up, mirroring her position with the sheet around her, legs dangling over the table's edge. 

"It's more than that. It's everything, it's you and Archie, it's Kevin and Jay Jay, it's the stupid fucking wedding, it's T-" she stopped herself before she said too much. How could she even begin to explain Toni to her? The woman had been plaguing her thoughts for days, along with countless memories with her she'd dug up from deep in her mind. 

"Hey, I'm your best friend. You don't have to tell me everything, but just know I'm all ears should you ever decide to. Okay?" Cheryl nodded, watching as Josie reached for her robe, slipping it on. "Come on, let's go to the sauna for a steam."

**xxx**

She never hated Gene Simmons more than she did at that very moment. The black KISS t-shirt was folded up with the sweatpants on her desk chair, and the bass player was staring at her from across the room as she stared right back.

 _"Never took you for the 'walk of shame' type,"_ Jason had been so smug as she walked up the front steps of the house that morning. And she was just shaken enough to ignore him instead of replying with some snarky comment like she normally would. 

It had been almost an entire week since the night she stumbled into that sleazy bar on the south side. One of the biggest mistakes she'd ever made. Or at least that's what she tried to tell herself. How could it be a mistake if it lead her back to Toni? Toni was all she had wanted for the longest time and now here she was...afraid of her. 

_**No.** _

Cheryl Blossom wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. Especially not a nineteen year old bartender who was still, to this day, two inches shorter than her. Even if she wasn't the same girl who she had grown so close with after four years in that orphanage. She'd been bombarded with memories of her time there all week. And what scared her the most is how she managed to forget them all in the first place. 

_"I suppose you think this is funny?" Sister Dean stared down at the eight year old redhead as she sat in her old wooden desk. Cheryl's cheeks were flaming red as she looked down at her hands folded in front of her. The middle-aged nun was holding up a childish drawing of herself, her features made more large and comical. "Cheryl, I expected this from your classmates, but not from you."_

_"I'm sorry, Sister Dean," she muttered sheepishly as her classmates snickered and giggled around her. She just wanted to make Toni laugh, she wasn't trying to get into trouble._

_"Come along, Cheryl. Girls, finish your work. I want to be able to hear a pin drop when I return," the woman grabbed Cheryl by her ear and pulled her out of her chair, making the little girl stumble over her own feet as she was dragged towards the door._

_Little Toni bit her lip as she watched Sister Dean pick up the wooden ruler from her desk. "Sister Dean, wait!" she stood from her desk, taking a sigh of relief when she turned around. Cheryl looked terrified and probably in pain. Toni knew how much it hurt to be dragged away by the ear. "I drew it. Cheryl only had it on her desk cause I passed it to her," she lied, hoping it was convincing enough._

_Cheryl whimpered slightly when Sister Dean released the painful pinched hold of her ear. "But-"_

_"I did it, Cheryl didn't do anything," Toni cut her off, ignoring the look on her best friend's face. Cheryl was one of the most well-behaved girls here, she wasn't going to let her get whipped with a ruler over something as insignificant as a stupid drawing._

_"Is this true, Cheryl?"_

_"It's true," Toni answered for her, stepping closer with a brave face._

_"Well in that case, Cheryl go back to your desk and finish your reading. Antoinette, you come with me," the nun took Toni's arm instead of her ear as the little girl nodded, sending a look back to Cheryl before she disappeared out the door._

_Toni hadn't returned to class with Sister Dean that day. And as much as Cheryl wanted to ask where she was, she kept her mouth shut and her eyes down. After class was over, she didn't see Toni in the dining hall for dinner. Wherever she was, she just hoped she was all right. When everyone was sent back to their dormitories for the night, Cheryl nearly broke down in tears when Toni wasn't in her bed. What had Sister Dean done with her? No matter how much the older girls yelled at her to stop, Cheryl couldn't keep her sniffles and light sobs quiet as she tried to sleep. She clutched her teddy bear tightly, trying to ignore the lump under her pillow from the extra dinner roll she'd taken for Toni._

_No more than two hours later, the door to the room opened loudly enough to make the little redhead flinch. She blinked an eye open just long enough to see Toni being lead to her cot by one of the younger nuns, their faces just barely visible in the moonlight. But she remained as quiet as she could, pretending to be asleep until she was sure the woman was gone._

_"Toni?" her voice was barely audible, even in the dead silence of the dorm. She sat up in her bed and crossed the small space to the brunette's. "What happened? Where have you been?" she wiped her nose on the back of her hand._

_"I got a few hits from Sister Dean and I spent the rest of the day cleaning the bathrooms," she shrugged, but Cheryl didn't miss the wince on her face when she adjusted how she was seated on the bed. With a sniffle, she reached for the dinner roll under her pillow and handed it to her. It was a little stale, since dinner was hours ago, but it was something._

_"You didn't have to take the blame for what I did..."_

_"I know I didn't. But I didn't think you deserved the ruler for something so dumb," Toni whispered as she ate the dinner roll like she hadn't eaten in days._

_Cheryl wiped her eyes with a hint of a smile, crawling onto the small cot with her, "Thank you, Toni."_

_"I've always got your back, Cher," the brunette whispered, smiling at her best friend as they laid their heads on the same pillow._

How could she have repressed _any_ memory of a person as selfless and brave as Toni? Cheryl probably would have never survived those four years without her. She'd never had a connection like that with anyone since then. Not even Josie or Jason. Toni was the last person she was ever truly herself with. And now, ten years later, she wasn't even sure what her true self was anymore. Every day was an act, and Cheryl had no idea what it was like to just be herself. 

And now, _fucking_ Gene Simmons and his stupid _fucking_ tongue were staring at her from that stupid t-shirt that smelled faintly like cigarette smoke and some kind of fruity perfume. She'd been sitting there staring at the small pile of borrowed clothes for an hour now, fighting with herself on what to do. She wanted to see Toni again. She wanted to catch up with her and see how she had been doing over the years. But her mind just kept drifting back to the Southside Serpent jacket she'd seen in their tiny dining room. What if Toni was one of them? That was a gang full of murderers and rapists. At least that's what Clifford had told her. She had been so scared and furious when Jason let it slip to her that he was hooking up with one of them. And that one just so happened to be Toni's roommate. It was hard to wrap her mind around, and it had kept her cowering in her bedroom every night for the past week. 

"Sup, sis?" Jason showed up suddenly, leaning against the frame of her door.

"Don't call me that," she closed her eyes, feeling the anger already rising up in her chest. 

"What do you want me to call you? Wife?" he chucked with a roll of his eyes.

"This is all just a joke to you, isn't it?," her voice was quiet as she glared at him, "You think it's fucking hilarious that we're being put through this, when you have the easiest job! You get to sit back and collect your inheritance while I have to be Susie Homemaker to you! I have to do the cooking, the cleaning, raising whatever falsely inbred kids we're gonna be forced to have! All the while, you get to flit off with Kevin and do whatever the hell you want! You get your share of money regardless because you're a Blossom! You were born into this life! I, on the other hand, was plucked out of an orphanage and forced into all of this without any say!"

"You think this is my first choice? You think I want to marry my adopted sister, Cher? Trust me, I don't think this would be _anybody's_ first choice. If I could get out of it, I would, but we're stuck in it! I make jokes cause it makes it easier to deal with! We can't all be miserable and angry all the time, Cheryl!" he pushed himself off the door frame and stepped closer to her as she got up from her seated position at the foot of her bed. 

"Why does everything get to be so easy for _you?!_ You don't have to lift a finger around here, and you've always had someone to fall back on! Whether it's Kevin or fucking Fangs, you've never had to deal with any of this alone! Meanwhile I've felt so alone for ten years to a point where I don't even-"

"What in heaven's name is going on in here?" Penelope came into the room, interrupting the youngest Blossom with a sharp voice.

Tears in her eyes, Cheryl grabbed the t-shirt and sweatpants from her desk and brushed past them, racing downstairs and out to her car, ignoring her mother's angry calls for her to come back. She was tired of this place, these people, this situation. 

She'd had enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Cheryl stared at the glowing red _'BAR'_ sign from her subtle parking spot across the street from the Whyte Wyrm just as she had been for the past forty-five minutes. The t-shirt and sweatpants were folded up nicely in the passenger seat. She had thrown them in when she jumped in the car an hour ago, needing to get away from her house and her family. But in the time that she'd been sitting in silence in across the street from the bar, she'd folded them back up several times as a distraction. Something to pass the time while she contemplated what to do. 

Toni was in that run down little building across the street. She had to be. It had been a whole week since she last saw her, so what were the chances she was working the same shift she had been last week? Granted, it was later in the night now than the last time she had shown up here. 

What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to explain running away without a trace last week? These questions had been swirling around in her head this whole time she was sitting in the car. It was getting to a point where she would sell her soul for an answer or some guidance.

But finally, an hour after pulling into the vacant lot, Cheryl took a deep breath and opened the door, making sure it was securely locked behind her. She stumbled a bit over the gravel and grass before her heels clicked against the paved road as she crossed. Her chin that she had been holding so high started to drop as she approached the building. Suddenly that hour of hyping herself up in the car was wasted as she found herself gravitating towards the rickety metal staircase on the side of the bar instead of the front entrance. Maybe if she just dropped the clothes off on her doorstep, she wouldn't have to worry about any of this anymore. Once the clothes were dropped off, she could leave all this behind her once again. 

She practically tip-toed up the stairs slowly, not wanting to be seen or heard. Her face scrunched up in a wince each time the stairs creaked under her weight, but soon enough, she was under the harsh glow of the light outside the door. Fumbling with the clothes under her arm, she bent down to place them on the door mat, ready to dash back down to her car. 

"Whoa, shit," a gasping breath made her nearly jump out of her skin as the door in front of her swung open, sending her stumbling backwards with a rapidly beating heart, "What are you doing here?"

Cheryl stared at the pink-haired girl in front of her, her heart racing from a mixture of nerves, surprise, and excitement. "Nothing, I was just returning the clothes I borrowed," she rubbed her hand up and down her bare arm, feeling the thin layer of nervous sweat start to form on her palm before she picked her head up, feigning confidence, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I, uh...I _live_ here," Toni quirked an eyebrow at her, setting the full bag of trash down beside her.

"Right, I know that, but I mean...why aren't you working?" the redhead squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. God, this was so awkward.

"I worked the afternoon shift. I have the night off," Toni folded her arms self-consciously across her chest.

"Of course," she nodded, sarcastically commenting on how great their timing was in her own head, "Well, thank you for your hospitality last week. I appreciate your kindness." She finished off her sentence with an awkwardly extended hand.

_"Is she being serious right now?"_ Toni thought to herself as she looked at the pale hand jutted out in front of her. But she uncrossed her arms to accept the impersonal handshake, letting her hand linger in Cheryl's tight, professional grip. The Cheryl she knew would be hugging her so tight that she couldn't breathe, not giving her a bone-crushing handshake as if they had done some kind of business transaction. 

Cheryl ignored the warmth of Toni's hand in hers and the look of utter confusion on her face, glancing away before snatching her hand back. "Well, I should be going-"

"Wait, Cher..." Toni started, stepping a bit closer, her heart clenching at the look on the redhead's face. As confident as she tried to make herself look, Toni could see how shaken and nervous she was. "Fuck, I don't even...We didn't get much of a chance to talk last week. You kind of just passed out and then bolted the next morning."

Cheryl remained still as could be with her arms folded across her chest, listening as the shorter girl continued.

"I don't know what to say, and I don't know what you _want_ me to say. But...look, I get that this isn't easy for you and it's awkward as fuck...but I miss you, Cher. I know we're different people and we haven't had a normal, sober conversation in ten whole years, but we were best friends once. You have to remember at least some of that, right?"

The redhead stiffened and curled into herself, nodding timidly. 

"I'm not saying we have to be best friends again, but...it would be nice to at least catch up."

Cheryl bit the inside of her cheek as an unfamiliar warmth spread through her body. She wanted that so badly. She wanted Toni in her life again. But the image of the damned Serpent jacket flashed back into her mind, along with her father's voice in her head, reminding her and Jason to avoid the south side, don't mingle with the Serpents, avoid them at all costs. What was she supposed to do?

Toni watched as the cogs turned in Cheryl's head, feeling her hope start to diminish with each passing second. She tried to be patient, but the silence between them had gone on for too long. "You know what, forget it," she chuckled apprehensively, folding her arms tightly against her chest, mirroring Cheryl's position, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to guilt you into thinking you had to stay and talk, I just figured that maybe you'd want to, cause maybe you missed me as much as I missed you, but I mean, you're a Blossom for fuck's sake, I'm sure your life's been nothing but excitement, and I'm totally happy for you, Cher, you deser-"

Her nervous rambling was cut off by a warm pair of trembling lips on hers, making the tight ball of nerves in her gut quickly unravel. Toni had kissed plenty of girls before. Unfortunately, it had gotten her into some trouble in the past. And while she was no stranger to it, she had never kissed Cheryl before. Cheryl, the girl who would crawl into bed with her when she was scared. Cheryl who she played tag with in the garden almost every day. Cheryl who she cried over every night for months after she had been adopted. 

This was something _entirely_ new. 

It felt like her whole body was on pins and needles, prickly tingles coursing through her veins as her lips lingered on the fiery red ones. Warm trembling fingers cupped the sides of her face with a firm, but affectionate grip. She'd wanted this since she was just a kid, and it took until years after she lost Cheryl for her to realize that. 

She made a move to wrap her arms around the taller girl's waist when she was suddenly pushed away, breathless with a tint of red staining her lips. Cheryl looked so surprised, so shocked at her own actions as her fingers shook as they were brought up to cover her mouth.

"Cher-"

"I have to go," she interrupted her quickly, darting down the stairs and across the street before Toni could even process what happened.

**xxx**

Cheryl didn't remember running back to her car. She barely remembered hearing Toni calling after her. She just knew that she had no idea where she was by the time she finally came to. It was a wonder she even remembered to put her seatbelt on or turn on the headlights.

What the fuck had she done? What the fuck was she thinking?

She wasn't. Plain and simple. She wasn't thinking. If she had been thinking, she wouldn't have lost all control and planted a solid kiss on Toni's perfectly soft lips. 

_“Stop it, Cheryl. What would your parents say if they knew what you were thinking?”_ she thought to herself, snapping herself out of the unnatural thoughts that sent warm tingles from her toes to her lips. But she couldn’t shake that feeling.

She didn’t remember running away or how she got to wherever she was now. She doesn’t even remember why she did it, but she remembered that kiss, crystal clear in her head. It was almost unbelievable how full and complete she felt in those few seconds not too long ago. In that moment of complete weakness, she felt clarity for the first time. The memory of Toni’s lips on hers and her face warm in her hands had her seeing stars. But she shook them from her vision, glancing around for some kind of clue as to where she was.

_“Starting route to Thornhill Manor,”_ Siri broke the silence in the car after she had stopped to find her way home at a lonely traffic light. How had she managed to get so far from her house? The Whyte Wyrm was fifteen minutes away from Thornhill, she must have kept driving in the opposite direction. Was she even in Riverdale anymore? Though, she was somewhat grateful for the longer drive. It would give her time to think before she had to face her family once again. If they were still awake, that is. It was nearly eleven and her parents were notorious for being in bed by ten. If Jason was home, he was probably up talking to Kevin if he hadn’t snuck out to meet up with him.

She tightened her grip on the leather steering wheel at the very thought. She didn’t get that same rush of anger when she thought about Josie and Archie. Josie had recently been the only friend she had left, and she didn’t like the idea of someone taking her away and leaving her behind. It made her sad. But Jason and Kevin? They made her _angry_. And she couldn’t understand why.

It had taken Cheryl until recent years to realize that she was jealous, though she would never admit it. How was it fair that every night while she sat alone in bed with a book, her brother was either up talking to his boyfriend or sneaking out to meet up with him to do god knows what. Cheryl wanted someone she could make her smile with just a single text notification. Someone she could sneak out to meet up with in the middle of the night, and talk to on the phone until dawn. She wanted a loving relationship like Jason and Kevin’s.

But the more she thought about it, she couldn’t see herself doing those things with just anyone. She didn’t want them with just anyone. In her head, it was a girl on the other end of the late night phone calls. It was a girl that she climbed out her window to go meet up with. It was a girl who would light up her phone with texts, a dumb little heart emoji beside her contact name. A girl.

_“In 600 feet, turn left onto South Colonial Drive.”_

Cheryl could feel her palms sweating under her firm grip of the wheel. She couldn’t feel this way. Her parents hated her enough already. Her life was stressful enough, she didn’t need to add a gay awakening on top of everything else she was currently struggling with. No, this was just her mind playing tricks on her. It was pre-wedding panic, except unlike a normal bride, she couldn’t get out of this. So she might as well put an end to her ridiculous thoughts now and bury them deep like she did with everything else. She had to.

**xxx**

Toni never thought she would become so pathetic. She was sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, a box of pizza in her lap and a sappy movie playing on the TV. She was acting like she had gone through a terrible break up, eating her feelings and drinking her sorrows away. She was more confused than anything, and let’s face it, pizza and beer helped her think.

She really didn’t ask for a lot. Growing up with nothing, she never wanted for much that she knew she could live without. And she could live without Cheryl. She’d done it for the past ten years. And she’d done so again this past week after running into her again. Just when she was starting to accept that she would probably never have that girl in her life again, she comes stumbling back in before waltzing back out. It took everything Toni had to not chase after her earlier tonight. Even if her limbs weren’t completely weakened by that kiss, she was too lost in thought to even move from her spot. After Cheryl’s car sped away, she stayed on the elevated landing for a few minutes, trying to process what had happened. If it weren’t for the smell of old leftovers coming from the trash bag by her feet, she probably would have ended up staying there all night.

“Whoa, what’d I miss?” Fangs came in through the front door, staring at a disheveled looking Toni as if she had grown a few extra heads.

“Nothing,” she deadpanned, taking another swing of beer as her puffy eyes stared straight ahead at the TV.

“I know I’ve only known you for a year, Tiny, but I think I know by now that seeing you in sweats, downing pizza and beer means that you’re going through some shit,” Fangs came over and plopped down beside her.

Toni slapped his hand when he reached for a slice of pizza, but let him have it anyways as she leaned back on her elbow, shaking her head. “Cheryl came back.”

“Cheryl?”

“The girl who spent the night last week,” she sniffled, “The one I grew up with at the sisters…”

“Oh. How’d that go?” he turned his body towards her, giving her his full attention. Toni loved both her roommates like they were her annoying big brothers she’d always dreamt of having. Sweet Pea always made her laugh while Fangs was her crying shoulder, not that she needed it often.

“Awkward. She was dropping off the clothes I loaned her, but I guess she didn’t expect to run into me while I was taking out the trash,” she sighed, taking another slice from the box, “I told her that I miss her and I’m pretty sure I rambled on like an idiot. I don’t even remember what I was saying, all I know was that I was going on and on like a dumbass and all of a sudden she was…kissing me.”

Fangs’s thick, but neatly trimmed eyebrows raised to his hairline as his jaw slacked. “She kissed you?” He watched as Toni nodded, biting her lip tentatively, “Did you not want to, or something?”

"I wanted to. I've wanted to kiss her since we were just kids. But I didn't...I didn't realize how much I really liked her until she was gone, y'know? And now...it's like the same thing all over again."

Fangs quirked his lips to the side and leaned back against the arm of the couch. "So you like her?"

"I mean, I dunno. I don't know her anymore, Fangs. All I know about her now is that she's living a big, fancy lifestyle as a Blossom now," she leaned on her elbow and placed her palm against her forehead as she glanced miserably down at her lap. 

Fangs nodded before doing a surprised double take. "Wait...did you say Blossom?" 

"I know, save me the lecture, Sweet Pea already told me to stay away from them."

"No, it's just..." he started, taking a noticeably deep breath, "If I tell you this, I need it to never get back to Sweet Pea, okay? He'd kill me if he knew."

Toni stared at him, intrigued but worried. What could be so major that Fangs would keep it a secret from Sweet Pea? Those two had been like brothers since they were in diapers. But she nodded slowly, sitting up straighter.

"So, a few years ago, before we knew you, I guess you were still...in there," he cleared his throat nervously, "I was in a...kind of relationship with Jason Blossom. I guess he's Cheryl's brother. Or adopted brother."

"Wait, you were hooking up with a Blossom?" Toni leaned in curiously, her eyes wide. The way Sweet Pea seemed so adamant about staying away from the Blossom family the night Cheryl showed up at the Wyrm had her assuming that he and Fangs would rather be skinned alive than be caught around them, let alone hooking up with one.

"You can't say anything. It's all behind me. But...yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah," he sighed before shaking his head, "Sorry I didn't mean to make this about me."

"No, it's okay. I won't tell anyone, but...do you still have his number?" she asked quietly.

Fangs just looked at her, suspicious, "Perhaps, why?" 

"Well, if you do, I was gonna see if maybe you could ask him for Cheryl's number, but never mind, I don't wanna put you in an awkward situation with him if the whole thing is behind you. That's not fair of me," she shook her head with a sad chuckle, getting up to get another beer. 

"T, I can text him it's not a big deal. It's just me doing a favor for a friend. It's not like I would be opening up a can of worms."

Toni stood in the kitchen, contemplating. She wanted to talk to Cheryl. She was tired of losing her over and over again. It was worth a try, right? She just hated the possibility of never hearing from Cheryl again. She felt so ridiculous. She was in a gang. Something like this shouldn't scare her and toy with her emotions as much as it was. She'd seen and done so much worse. 

"You sure you don't mind?"

"Would I have offered?"

Toni smiled a bit to herself, grabbing two beers from the fridge. What would she ever do without Fangs? "Wait, why do you still have his number if you've moved on?"

"Gotta keep my options open," he shrugged his shoulders smugly, getting the slightest chuckle out of her.

**xxx**

"Cheryl, you're worse than a child, just stand still," Penelope stood not far from the small platform where Cheryl had been standing for what felt like hours.

"It itches, mother," she tried not to snap. Not to mention Colette, the family seamstress had been poking her with needles the whole time she was making alterations to the wedding dress that had been passed down and worn by Blossom women for generations. 

"You're an adult, Cheryl. Stand still. I would expect this kind of fidgeting from a toddler," the elder Blossom seethed.

The nineteen year old closed her eyes and took a deep breath, though she couldn't breathe in too deeply. The dress was too small and Penelope was less than pleased about it. 

"How many inches will it have to be let out?" she asked the seamstress, hovering over where she was knelt in front of Cheryl. 

"Well, we'll have to take it in a bit in the bust. And the waist, I'd say we could let it out two or three inches and it should fit just fine. Just as long as she doesn't gain much weight by the union," Colette stood up, making a few adjustments.

"Oh, not to worry, we're putting her on a strict diet. We shouldn't have even needed to let the dress out in the first place, but you know how tempting Pop Tate's cheeseburgers can be," Penelope chuckled with the elderly seamstress. 

Tears of embarrassment formed in Cheryl's eyes as she stood as still as she could. This dress was hideous, and itchy. And what it represented made it even worse. For at least the last three generations, women had been forced into this exact dress on the day they were sent down the hypothetical aisle to be wed to their adopted brothers. Whether they were adopted into the family or a cousin to the groom, it was tradition. The Blossoms took their signature red hair seriously. And if grooming unknowing children into this lifestyle was what it took to keep the ginger genes in the family, then so be it. 

The familiar ding of a text message came from Cheryl's phone in the corner of the room, making her turn her head curiously. There wasn't much she could do about it from her current position. The dinging continued, making her assume it was some kind of emergency. She never got such constant texts unless Josie had big news. But she couldn't imagine what kind of big news she would have so early into the school year. 

"Cheryl, for heaven's sake," Penelope snapped when she fidgeted. How did she expect her to stand as still as a mannequin for this long?

"Almost finished, Miss Cheryl," Colette was at least more kind to her, though the continuous 'tsk'ing and shaking of her head as she examined the changes that needed to be made had Cheryl's cheeks flushing from embarrassment. 

"Mother, can you please bring me my phone? It might be an emergency," Cheryl whispered, trying to stand still. 

"Absolutely not," the older redhead folded her black, lace-clad arms across her chest. 

Tears formed in Cheryl's eyes again, but this time they were tears of frustration and anger. The old lace of the wedding dress itched so much she was almost sure that her ivory skin was speckled pink with a rash by now. She was absolutely miserable. And to make matters worse, she just couldn't take her mind off of Toni and how stupid she had been to kiss her last night. What the hell was she thinking? 

_Typical Cheryl, always making things worse._

She stayed as still as possible, keeping her tears at bay as pins were carefully removed and she was allowed to step out of the dress and put her skirt and blouse back on. She dashed for her phone as soon as she was free, ignoring Penelope apologizing for the seamstress for her defiant daughter's behavior. 

**[Toni]:** Hey, it's Toni. Sorry if this is weird, but I got your number from a friend who knows your brother.  
**[Toni]:** I meant what I said last night. I miss you, Cheryl. I just wanna see how you've been doing. No pressure.  
**[Toni]:** I get it if you don't want to catch up, I mean it's been 10 years.  
**[Toni]:** I'm just now realizing how fucking creepy this makes me seem.  
**[Toni]:** Okay, my break's almost over, but please just text me back. Even if it's just to tell me not to text you anymore. I'm just tired of wondering, Cher. 

Cheryl bit her lip nervously, glancing over her shoulder as she started to type out a reply. Even if she didn't miss her like crazy, at this point she was willing to face Toni again just for the chance to get away from Penelope. 

**[Cheryl]:** Hi.  
**[Cheryl]:** I'm free this evening if you want to go to Pop's or something? What time do you get off work?

She was going to order the biggest, fattest cheeseburger Pop Tate had on the menu. Fuck her new strict diet.

**[Toni]:** I'm off at five, but I'm gonna need a shower. I can meet you there at six?  
**[Cheryl]:** Perfect.

She was surprised at her own urgency and boldness, considering how nervous she had been to even think about her old best friend. But if it would get her away from her mother, she was willing to dive head first into a lion's den.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again, sorry for the long wait! honestly, i don't have the same motivation for this story that i did when i was starting it. and i feel like it's really starting to show in how i'm writing it. but i'm gonna try my hardest not to abandon it. i can't promise i'll have chapters out every wednesday like i planned to, but i'll update it as much as i can. the muse is still there, just the motivation isn't as strong. i hope you understand and enjoy this chapter!

She was late. 

_Relax, Cheryl, it's only been five minutes._

But she was late. What if she forgot? What if she changed her mind?

_She would text you if she wasn't coming. Just cause she's affiliated with gang members doesn't make her an asshole._

Perhaps she had been foolish to arrive a whole twenty minutes before six. It just made the wait longer. She poked at her salad nervously, rather disappointed in herself for deciding at last minute that she shouldn't anger her mother any further. She had never craved one of Pop Tate's cheeseburgers more than she was right now, now that she wasn't allowed to have them.

Another jingle above the front door made her head jerk up curiously. But she was let down once again when a family of four walked in. She watched as they took a seat at a nearby table before looking miserably back at her salad, shifting the lettuce around with an unconscious pout. 

"Don't look so happy to be here," a voice made her nearly jump out of her seat before she looked up to see the dark brown eyes of the girl she was so nervous to talk to. 

_"You're late,"_ was on the tip of Cheryl's tongue as the serpent sat down across from her, donning her leather jacket and all. She even had a golden snake wrapped around her ear and another dangling from her choker. But she swallowed the comment down as she watched Toni brush a bit of dusty dirt off her black leather sleeves. 

"Sorry I'm late, I couldn't get my bike to start," the pink-haired girl smiled a little, smiling up at the waiter when they came around to take her order.

"It's okay," Cheryl gave her a fake grin as she gently stabbed her salad. She wasn't angry, but she had grown up believing that punctuality was crucial. And being on time was considered being late. And she had to remind herself that she and Toni had very different upbringings. "Aren't you, um...warm in that jacket?" she asked, trying to remain subtle. 

Toni eyed her across the booth, noting how Cheryl's eyes darted back and forth as if she was just waiting for someone to come up and say something about her having lunch with a filthy serpent. She could just tell by her body language that she was uncomfortable. Holding back a scoffing laugh, she shed the jacket from her shoulders and placed it on the bench seat beside her, watching Cheryl noticeably relax. This girl wasn't as subtle as she was probably trying to be. 

With a soft throat clear, Cheryl straightened up in her seat, taking a sip of her water as she thought of what to say. It was unfair how they got here, strangers with a past, unsure of how to even talk to each other. 

"So," Toni started, folding her hands in front of her on the table, making Cheryl stiffen with nerves, "What have you been up to this past decade?"

_Oh._

Cheryl wasn't sure if she should be relieved or offended that the first thing Toni decided to talk about wasn't the kiss that she had planted on her out of the blue last night. She wasn't exactly ready to talk about it, but she still wanted the satisfaction of it being important enough to bring up.

"Um, well...nothing and everything at the same time," she sighed, fidgeting with her own manicured fingers, "Pretty much as soon as I was adopted, I was thrust into lessons and schooling, learning how to be a housewife more than anything else."

"Are you...?" Toni quirked an eyebrow at her, noting the shiny diamond ring on her left hand. Unsure of how she had missed it before. As much as she missed Cheryl and wanted her as more than a friend, she wasn't looking to be the other woman or come between a relationship. No matter how much she wanted a repeat of that kiss from last night. 

Cheryl followed her eyes to the ring, biting her lip as she twirled it around her finger. She'd been wearing it since she was fourteen, she sometimes forgot she had it on. "It's complicated," she muttered, straightening her posture as the waiter came back with Toni's burger and fries. 

"Say no more," the serpent chuckled, dipping her fries in the little ramekin of ketchup, "Are you happy with how your life is, at least?"

Puffing out her cheeks with a deep breath, Cheryl just shrugged, trying not to salivate at the sound of the crispy french fries as Toni bit into them. "I don't know," she started to pick at her salad again, "I mean, it's just been an endless cycle of people doing things for me and making my decisions for me. I wanted to be an equestrian and mother forced me into ballet. Meanwhile my brother Jason got to take swimming lessons and play baseball and learn to play guitar, along with the countless other things he wanted to do."

Toni nodded, averting her eyes back to her food as Cheryl continued. 

"It's just frustrating, and it's been that way since I was a kid. I'm just...tired of it," she sighed, brushing her long red hair from her face with a huff. She always had a habit of rambling, especially when she was nervous. And she never seemed to pick the right moments for it, or the right people to vent to. She hadn't really spoken to Toni since they were children, it wasn't exactly acceptable for Cheryl to dump all her problems on her. Especially not so soon. "But what about you? What have you been up to besides...bartending?" she approached the last bit carefully, trying not to bring up Toni's affiliation with the Serpents and how much she disapproved. She wasn't used to tip-toeing around people when it came to judgment. She had been raised into telling it like it is and voicing her opinion to get her way. 

"It's been pretty great, actually. I just moved to the south side about a year and a half ago," the pink-haired girl smiled with a small nod as she bit into another fry. 

"Oh? From where?"

Toni just stared back at her, unblinking, before she averted her eyes awkwardly, "Um..." Cheryl just looked at her confused, obviously not able to put the pieces together herself. "From the Sisters..." She watched the realization take over the redhead's face, her eyes widening as her jaw slacked.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't kn-"

"Hey, it's not a big deal. Everyone's got their struggles with the cards they're dealt," she waved a hand and continued to eat. 

"No, it was insensitive of me to complain about my family when you have none," she shook her head and stared down at her half-eaten salad, cursing herself inside for being so foolish without realizing that she had just made it worse. 

"I have a family," Toni's brows knit together as she folded her arms over her chest, "Just because I wasn't adopted into some traditional white picket fence family with two parents and a golden retriever doesn't mean I don't have a family."

"No, Toni, I know that, I just said the wrong thi-"

"I _love_ my family, Cheryl. I found them and they took me in. I chose them. Yeah, it's a gang, but they take care of their own. You're not subtle, Cheryl. You never have been. I know you don't approve. I know you weren't worried about it being too warm in here for a jacket, you just don't wanna be seen talking to a gang-banging murderer, right?" 

Cheryl's eyes widened as Toni's face started to turn red with anger. Out of all the times she'd been yelled at in her life, this was the most frightened she'd ever been. But she sat frozen in place as Toni continued, at least knowing better than to interrupt. 

"I'm sorry your life isn't perfect with the Blossoms, Cheryl, I really am. But you don't get to judge me and my life and blame it on the fact that you had to take ballet as a kid instead of riding horses. Because while you were probably moping in your toy room about that, I was-" Toni stopped herself just as her voice started to raise to an unreasonable volume. She closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath as Cheryl remained still across from her.

The redhead watched as Toni's lips moved, barely whispering out words that she couldn't understand. But she could see her counting on her fingers as she whispered, her eyes squeezing shut as she seemed to be struggling with herself. Glancing around, she wondered if anyone was watching, just as confused as she was about what was going on. What was she supposed to do? Should she say something to her? Should she try to shake her out of it? The girl was visibly shaking, trembling in the booth across from her and Cheryl's heart broke as she watched a single tear slip down the bronze cheek. She had only seen Toni cry once in her life, and that was the day she was torn away from her. 

Biting her lip, she was about to reach across the table for her hand, hopeful that she could shake her out of whatever trance she was under, but Toni's reddened eyes opened again before Cheryl's hand could pass her salad plate. 

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry," she stammered, glancing around nervously. Her trembling fingers stumbled through her wallet before she grabbed her jacket and slapped a ten dollar bill down on the table, running for the door. 

"Toni?" it all happened faster than Cheryl could register. One minute she was trying to break Toni out of a spell, the next, the girl is running out the door. Scrambling to her feet, she left some money on the table and ran after her, looking around the dirt parking lot for her in the hazy sunset light. "Toni!" she called running towards her after seeing her in the process of mounting her bike. She could tell how tense she was, and how much worse it became the closer she got to her. 

"I-I guess I deserved all that," she rubbed her pale arm up and down, keeping her tears at bay. She couldn't let them go now, not when Toni was wiping desperately at her cheeks to brush away her own. 

"No. No, you didn't. I didn't mean..." the shorter girl took a deep breath, glancing down at her boots. "A lot's happened over the years, Cher. And sometimes I just get...angry. Like, unreasonably angry. For no reason, sometimes. But I shouldn't have lost control and snapped on you like that, I just...It's a lot...seeing you again. This past year I've been trying so hard to just put the past behind me and move on. And then you show up at the Wyrm and it just brought it all back." She shook her head with the most heartbreaking look on her face, tugging at Cheryl's heartstrings as they both resisted the urge to cry. 

"God, and then when you kissed me last night..." she let out a nervous chuckle while Cheryl tensed at the mention of it, "Like I said, it's all just...bringing back a lot of memories."

Cheryl stood awkwardly in place a few feet away from her, "We had a lot of fun back then, I remember," she whispered, but Toni just shook her head sadly.

"We did, but...after you left...nothing was the same. That place was just..." she took in a sharp, shaky breath and closed her eyes tightly like they had just inside the diner. Cheryl watched, frozen with fear, as Toni counted on her fingers again as her mouth moved with barely audible whispers.

What was she supposed to do? She felt bad for just standing and watching, but she would never forgive herself if she made things worse by trying to help. But her already broken heart cracked even more as she watched rapid tears fall from the serpent's tightly shut eyes. She had to do _something_.

"Toni," she whimpered, stepping closer until she was toe-to-toe with the shaken woman. She raised her hand to her cheek, cupping the warm, damp skin as gently as she could and praying that the flinch that Toni responded with wasn't a bad sign. "Toni," she repeated a bit louder, grazing her thumb across the apple of her cheek as Toni's erratic breathing started to even out. And the redhead had never been more relieved to see the amber brown color in her eyes when they opened and stared back at her. 

"Are you okay?" she asked timidly, keeping her palm against her cheek.

Toni just stared back at her, her shoulders rising and falling with each calming breath she took. Her eyes gazed over the face of the girl who was always two inches taller than her, landing on the red painted lips that had taken her by surprise last night. She wished she could go back in time and relive that kiss, because she knew it would never happen again. The cool, gold band of Cheryl's engagement ring on her cheek was the wake-up call she needed. Even outside the walls of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, they would never be anything more than friends. It just wasn't meant to be. 

"Toni?"

"Yeah, um...sorry," she pulled back and went to get on her bike again before Cheryl grabbed her hand to stop her. 

"Toni, please wait," she begged, stepping closer to her again, "I don't...I don't think you should drive...like this, when you're upset. Please just let me take you home or wherever you wanna go. Please."

"You don't ha-"

"I know I don't have to. I want to. I don't want anything to happen to you just because you decided to ride your bike when you're upset. Especially if..." she trailed off.

"Especially if what?"

Cheryl took a deep breath and wiped the tear that managed to escape from her eye. "Especially if I'm the one who upset you. I'd never forgive myself. So if you don't let me drive you for _your_ sake, then let me drive you for mine."

Toni took her lip between her teeth, sucking firmly on the plump skin and digging her teeth into it as she caught the sincerity in Cheryl's deep brown eyes. Those eyes had lost their shine since they were kids, and she's sure her own had done the same. But she still felt a sense of comfort and warmth when she looked into them. 

"Okay," she nodded slowly, looking down at their hands as Cheryl squeezed hers gratefully.

"Okay. Where do you wanna go?"

"The Wyrm," she stated plainly, turning her eyes to her shoes again. 

With Toni's eyes averted, Cheryl had the chance to show her distaste on her face, an unconscious habit she had formed growing up in her household. But as much as she didn't want to drive to the south side for the third time in two weeks, this was for Toni. Her long lost best friend just wanted to go somewhere she felt safe and comfortable, it didn't matter what she wanted. For once, it was Cheryl's turn to take care of her.

"Okay," she bit her lip and squeezed her hand again, listening to the slow crunch of gravel under their feet as they walked to her cherry red convertible.

**xxx**

"I dunno, it just...comes out of nowhere," Toni mumbled, swirling the bourbon around in her glass distractedly as they sat at the bar. Cheryl didn't exactly feel comfortable, but she felt safe enough with Toni beside her. It wasn't late enough in the night for the bar to be filled with drunken bikers yet anyways. "And it's not always when I get mad, sometimes I get nervous, sad...sometimes I'll be perfectly happy and something will trigger a memory that I tried to bury and I'll just...freeze up."

The redhead beside her nodded in understanding, though she didn't completely understand. Toni had always been so calm and collected when they were kids. She was her rock when Cheryl started to get emotional or scared. She didn't know what had happened to her over the years that made her the way she was now, but she wished she could go back and change it for her. "What usually helps when it happens?" she asked carefully, sipping at her cherry cola, "I saw you counting something..."

Toni adjusted herself on her stool, trying to get more comfortable before she took a swig of bourbon. "When I started getting the attacks, I would just start...listing things to distract myself and take my mind off of what was bothering me. Most of the time it was colors in the room, but...that stopped working after a while. I didn't really have a lot of options then. But since I left, I'm able to think of more. I'll start naming drinks I know how to make and names of my favorite songs and movies."

Cheryl nodded, smiling sympathetically, "I'm glad something works for you. I tend to just...blow up or run away when I start feeling overwhelmed. Hell, last time I freaked out, I ended up here. Thank goodness for you, or else I would have probably been stranded until I sobered up." Toni just breathed a short laugh as she looked down at her drink, feeling Cheryl's eyes on her. "Why did you sleep on the couch that night?" she heard her utter quietly as she leaned in closer.

"Well, you were wasted, for starters," she chuckled, "I didn't want you to wake up and freak out about being in bed with a stranger."

"But you're not a stranger, To-"

"Cheryl...we're strangers. We haven't been friends since we were nine years old. Today's the first time we've had a real, sober conversation in ten years. We were friends once, but I don't know anything about you. You don't know anything about me. You don't even know my last name. Just...accept it. We're strangers."

Cheryl sat, stunned on her bar stool, unsure of what to say as her eyes started to shine with tears. She was right. The woman in front of her that she was once so close with, she didn't know her. She knew the girl she was as a child before they were separated, but she didn't know this woman at all. And it was just now hitting her. 

"But that doesn't mean I want it to stay that way," Toni continued, sliding her stool closer to hers, "We went in completely different directions of life. And I doubt we have anything in common, but...I do miss you, Cher. It sounds stupid, but I wish we could get the last ten years back. Or go back to how things used to be when we were kids."

"I wish we could too..." she whispered, turning to subtly wipe a tear from her cheek. 

"It's not gonna be like it used t-"

"I know it won't. But god, Toni, wouldn't it be worth trying? I'll do whatever it takes to get back to where we were. Even if we have to have a dumb little sleepover to get that sense of girlish nostalgia." she snorted, taking another sip of her soda. 

Toni just snorted with a light chuckle and shook her head, "Not a bad idea. We can braid each other's hair and have pillow fights in our underwear."

"I'm serious," Cheryl laughed a little, "Maybe it'll be just what we need to reconnect...If you want to."

Toni stared at her and Cheryl could see the fear in her eyes. She'd only seen that look in her eyes once, and that was the dreaded day of her adoption. What could have possibly happened to Toni that made her how she was now? Cheryl never saw the Sisters of Quiet Mercy as a bad place. She loved it when she was there, but perhaps she was just a naive child with a best friend who had the power and charisma to shield her from the reality of it all. But even to this day with an adult point of view, she didn't recall it being dreadful.

"I guess it couldn't hurt," the serpent shrugged with a hint of a smile. 

Cheryl bit her lip and smiled, extending a hand to her. "Cheryl Blossom," she grinned politely as if they had just met.

"What are you doing?" Toni chuckled, looking at her like she was crazy.

"Starting over."

With a nod and a hesitant smile, Toni shook her hand slowly, letting her hand linger in her grip. "Toni Topaz."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hay. long time no see. idk if anyone is still reading this. i'm still kinda muse-less, but i've had a majority of this chapter written for a little while now and just now got the motivation to finish it. hopefully it doesn't disappoint!

Cheryl Blossom had always been great with words. She had an extensive vocabulary, as she had for most of her teen years. But as she plucked her duffel bag from her closet, she couldn't find a single word to describe how she was feeling. 'Excited' made her seem too eager, 'nervous' made her sound too scared, but 'anxious' felt like an extreme understatement. What were you supposed to feel when you were headed to a sleepover with your long lost best friend? 

She tried to stop thinking of words and start making decisions on clothing. A majority of her sleep clothes were expensive silk nighties and matching satin sets. While she didn't know for sure, she had a feeling that Toni didn't exactly have the same wardrobe. It was going to be just the two of them, but she still didn't want to stick out. Biting her thumbnail anxiously, she reached for a simple pair of red plaid flannel pants and a black camisole. 

_What if she knows you're dressing down on purpose?_

Raking her nails through her wavy red hair, she tried to push the thought away and just continue packing. Over the past few days, she and Toni had decided to do the sleepover at her apartment above the Whyte Wyrm. Though it was less personal, Cheryl was going to offer to get a hotel room for them, but she didn't want to give the wrong idea. But she had no idea what would happen if she was caught bringing a Serpent into her house.

_Stop it, Toni's more than just a Serpent._

"Lookin' tense, sis," Jason's voice made her nearly jump out of her skin with a yelp.

"Will you ever learn to knock?" she snapped, throwing one of the many pillows from her bed at him, "And I told you not to call me that."

"Old habit," he shrugged through a mouthful of the sandwich he was carrying around with him, "You running away?"

"None of your business," she huffed, her cheeks flushed with frustration as she held her hands on her hips in front of her closet, searching for an outfit for tomorrow.

"Does this have anything to do with Fangs' friend?" 

The way she stilled suddenly was all the answer Jason needed, no matter how much she tried to deny it.

Cheryl turned around with an incredulous, confused grin, "Excuse me?" 

"You can tell me, Cher, I'm not gonna snitch on you. You never told Mom and Dad about Fangs and you're still keeping your mouth shut about Kevin. Come on, who is she?"

"I never told Mommy and Dad because we're not allowed to da-" she stopped suddenly as dread flowed through her body like never before. Her already pale face lost even more color as she tried to keep her composure. "I'm sorry, did you say _she_?"

"Yeah...?" Jason shrugged, confused as his eyes followed her, now pacing, form. 

"Even if I _were_ dumb enough to date someone behind everyone's backs, what would give you the sick and perverted idea that they would be female?" she crossed her arms, her heart racing in her chest.

"Perverted? Cheryl you know _I'm_ gay, right?" he chuckled.

"Can we just drop it? I'm bored of this conversation and it's making me run late," she sighed, snapping back to face the closet again, still in search of an outfit that wasn't too flashy. But now she could hardly focus. 

_You don't have to be at Toni's for another three hours._

"Fine. What should I tell the parents if they ask where you are?"

"I don't know, JJ. Tell them I took a road trip to visit Josie at school or something," she waved a hand without even looking at him, pulling a blouse from her closet to inspect before putting it back.

"When in reality, you'll be...?"

"Why are you so nosy?!" she snapped, turning around again.

"I need to know where to find you if something happens. If you're meeting up with someone Fangs knows, it's gotta be on the south side!" he snapped back, rolling his blue eyes, "Either you tell me or I text Fangs and ask him." Cheryl just rolled her eyes back at him and crossed her arms over her chest, watching as he scrunched his face up in displeasure. "Wait a minute, tell me you're not hooking up with my ex."

"Like I would ever have even a _smidge_ of interest in someone named _Fangs_ ," she shook her head before disappearing into her en suite for her toiletries. 

It took everything Jason had to not press further. If he got paid for being a pain in the ass to Cheryl, he would be a self-made billionaire by now. But there were times, such as now, that he didn't pry to be a pain. He was nosy for her safety and well-being. And he knew his sister better than she thought he did. Not to mention, he'd been in her shoes, scared and in denial. He knew a closet-case when he saw one. And his sister was showing just about every sign in the book. 

"Cher?" his voice broke the thick silence of the red wine bedroom.

"God, _what?_ " Cheryl poked her head out of the bathroom, annoyed as ever as she ran a brush through her hair. 

He looked into her eyes, deep brown and full of fiery rage, even if the rest of her looked calm and collected. Now that he thought about it, he didn't think he had ever looked into her eyes without seeing an ounce of pain behind them. Even when she smiled, he could always tell it was covering something up. And as much as he wanted to help her, he knew she resented him for the situation they were forced into. Pressing her would only make that worse. She'd realize on her own time.

"Nothing, forget it," he shook his head, climbing off her bed to linger by the doorway, "Have a good time tonight and call me if you need anything, okay?"

She lost the fire in her eyes for a brief moment, the anger being replaced with confusion and a hint of sadness. "Okay..." she mumbled with a bit of a nod, awkwardly going back to brushing her hair in the bathroom after a beat of silence. Jason had one foot out the door when he heard a soft, "Thank you, JJ," behind him. She hadn't called him that since they were thirteen. But he just nodded with a light breath of a laugh as he closed the door behind him.

**xxx**

"Guys, come on, she's gonna be here any minute, just go," Toni practically begged the boys in front of her. Sweet Pea and Fangs were her protectors, her brothers, and she loved them, but _god_ they could be the most annoying roommates sometimes. To be fair, it was their place before they so kindly took her in, converting their bro cave into a bedroom for her. But she paid rent, she cleaned up after them all the time, she deserved the place to herself for one night. They had other places they could go. And she knew they didn't mind, but they insisted on sticking around, annoying her and making things more difficult.

"So what's the point of this sleepover again?" Sweet Pea asked through a mouthful of chips, watching as Toni ran around the room, straightening things up, "You don't get like this when your other hook ups come around."

"For the thousandth time, she's not a hook up. She's just...a friend," Toni sighed, shaking her head as she dusted crumbs off the couch cushions, "We're just hanging out, getting to know each other again."

"Friend or not, I don't know how I feel about having a Blossom in the apartment," he looked over at Fangs, who just shrugged in response, "This is just asking for trouble."

"If any trouble comes of this, I'll handle it. Your names won't even be involved. But they _will_ be if you don't get the hell out, seriously she's gonna be here soon, please!"

"Why can't you go to her place? I'm sure that mansion has more than enough space," Sweet Pea chuckled defiantly. 

"Come on, dude, this is important to her," Fangs slapped the taller serpent's arm with the back of his hand, hiking his backpack higher onto his shoulder, "Let us know if you need anything, Tiny."

"Thank you, I'll take you guys out for lunch or something soon, I promise," she walked them to the door, opening it for them to see them out. But on the other side was a stunned redhead, hand raised and ready to knock. 

"Oh," her red lips formed a perfect O as she lowered her hand sheepishly, "Hi."

"Hey, Cher. This is uh, Sweet Pea, and you remember Fangs? They were just leaving," Toni held the doorknob awkwardly, gesturing to the boys with her free hand. 

"Pleasure to meet you," Cheryl extended a manicured hand in Sweet Pea's direction, head held high despite the bit of fear in her voice. The taller man looked down at her hand skeptically, but shook it regardless, hard enough to nearly make Cheryl's cherry print duffel bag fall off her shoulder. But the redhead ignored the look of uncertainty he gave her, clearing her throat as she tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled politely at Fangs who smiled warmly back at her. She didn't even want to know what her brother had said to him via text message about this. 

"They were just _leaving_ ," Toni repeated through gritted teeth, glaring at her roommates after a few moments of awkward silence. 

"Oh! Right," Fangs nodded and stepped aside so Cheryl could come in, holding tight to his backpack strap as he walked out the front door with Sweet Pea in tow. 

"Make good choices, Tiny," Sweet Pea smirked, waiting until Cheryl had her back turned before he wagged his tongue suggestively between two fingers with a wink. Toni's cheeks flushed, but she rolled her eyes and slammed the door behind them, breathing a sigh of relief as she turned to Cheryl with an awkward smile. 

"They seem...nice," the redhead cleared her throat in the silence.

"Fangs is great. Sweet Pea can be a dumbass most of the time," Toni snorted, shaking her head as she took Cheryl's bag from her, leading her into the main living space where she had the pull-out mattress set up with a blankets and pillows, figuring it would be more comfortable than the couch itself. 

"Why do they called you 'Tiny'?" Cheryl giggled a bit, glancing around curiously. 

Toni looked over her shoulder at her, smiling with a scoffing laugh. She didn't even remember the first time the boys called her that, but she knew that from that first time, whenever it was, it stuck. And she didn't really mind it anymore. "It's kind of like 'Toni', and I'm short. Especially compared to Sweets."

"That's cute. You guys seem really close."

The pink-haired girl nodded, sitting on the edge of the pull-out bed and leaning back on her hands, "They're the big brothers I never knew I wanted, honestly. All my life it was just a bunch of girls, so finding them just...was new and different. And we just clicked right away."

Cheryl stood awkwardly against the opposite wall, nodding her head as she ran a hand up and down her bare arm. The simple red tank top and black shorts she'd finally settled on were betraying her in the strong air conditioning. "I have an older brother," she piped up with a bit of a smile, "We don't click as well, though. I guess we used to, but..." she raised her eyes to meet Toni's curious ones. Maybe it was a bit too soon in the evening to be over-sharing her family struggles.

"But?" 

"We just...we don't anymore," she shook her head with a nervous chuckle. 

"Jason, right?" Toni asked, remembering his name coming up a few times from both her and Fangs. Cheryl nodded her head with a hint of a smile, making Toni do the same. "What's he like?"

"He's...he's okay, I guess. A pain in the ass, but I guess that's true of all older brothers."

"As far as I know," Toni chuckled lightly and got up from her spot, moving past her to the kitchen, "I'm gonna order pizza. Are you cool with pepperoni?"

Penelope's voice echoed in her head, reminding her that she had to look perfect and fit into her wedding dress next month. "I, um," she bit her lip, rubbing her arm again.

"If not it's totally fine, I can order plain cheese. Just as long as you don't like anchovies or spinach or anything like that."

"No, no, pepperoni's fine," Cheryl offered a hint of a smile before looking back down at her feet, shifting awkwardly. 

With her head tilted in confusion, Toni bit the inside of her cheek as she looked Cheryl up and down. This wasn't the Cheryl she knew ten years ago, and this certainly wasn't the bitch that demanded she move out of her way a few weeks ago at Pop's. She had no idea who this girl was anymore and she hated that. She knew that they grew up differently. What felt like yesterday to her probably felt like a hundred years to the redhead. She saw Cheryl as the girl she was playing tag in the garden with not long ago, but she was sure that in her eyes, Toni was just some girl she played with at an orphanage as a kid. Cheryl probably had more friends than Toni could ever imagine, meanwhile she spent the last ten years pining and longing to see her best friend again. Cheryl had probably forgotten all about her up until that night just a few weeks ago.

"Toni...?" 

Cheryl's timid, curious voice rang in her ears before she cleared her throat and ran a hand through her pink hair nervously. "Sorry, I guess I spaced out," she chuckled awkwardly, "What did you say about the pizza again...?"

"I'm okay with pepperoni...do you, um...do you have anything to drink?"

"Oh, yeah, we've got water, coke, possibly expired orange juice-"

"No, I mean like...alcohol," she muttered quietly as if the fact that she drank on occasion was some kind of secret. 

"You're in a bartender's apartment above a bar, of course we do," Toni stated matter-of-factly with a bit of laughter behind her words, "What did you have in mind?"

"Just something to take the edge off, I guess."

"You nervous or something?" the pink haired girl smirked, moving around to the kitchen to make her a drink as she tried to keep the atmosphere light. But she kept her eyes on Cheryl, watching as her body language showed that not only was she nervous, she was embarrassed that it had been found out. "Hey, it's okay, I'm nervous too."

Wide brown eyes lifted to meet hers as Cheryl revealed her flushed face. "Really?" her voice was small it nearly broke Toni's heart to hear it. 

"Yeah. I mean...let's face it, Cher, we're strangers with history. Reconnecting as adults is awkward as hell," she started mixing a small drink for her, glancing over the counter at her every now and then as she did so. "But we wanted to do this, right?" She watched Cheryl nod in agreement. Toni knew that she had been the one that was more hesitant at the first suggestion of a nostalgic little slumber party, so it was surprising to see Cheryl so timid now, considering it started as her idea. 

"So...Cheryl Blossom," she sighed, making her way back around with two glasses of cherry vodka and coke, handing her one, "You ready to reconnect?"

"First tell me your name," Cheryl bit her pink lip with a shy grin, taking the glass from her.

The shorter girl chuckled and gave her a confused look, "Toni."

"Your last name," she quirked an eyebrow.

"Topaz."

"Where did 'Topaz' come from?"

"I thought it sounded cool," she shrugged, "I got it changed not too long after I moved in here."

"Changed from what?"

Toni stared up at her, sipping delicately at her drink to avoid the question. 

"Let's order that pizza."

**xxx**

"Would you hold still?" Toni giggled as she restarted the long copper braid over for the third time.

"Sorry, it tickles," Cheryl blushed, grateful that her back was turned to the girl behind her. Aside from her stylist, she never had anyone touch her hair so gently before. When Penelope would do her hair as a child, she would tug relentlessly at the snarls, not caring if it hurt. Besides that, the only time she had her hair touched by someone else was when Clifford would pull her by her long red locks if she was foolish enough to try to avoid punishment for something as miniscule as forgetting to use a coaster. 

But Toni's fingers ran smoothly and carefully through her hair, working through tangles in such a gentle manner that it sent shivers down Cheryl's spine. She wasn't used to such an affectionate touch, and the fact that it was from Toni, her old best friend turned pink haired goddess...

_Stop it, Cheryl._

She took another sip of her drink, her third glass of the night, and tried to push away all the deviant thoughts that plagued her. But the more she drank, the more her fingers started to twitch with curiosity of what Toni's smooth, caramel skin would feel like under her touch. If there were any spots that made her lose control...

"I'm never gonna get this braid done if you keep moving," Toni chuckled behind her, bringing Cheryl back to reality where her head and lulled back, unconsciously trying to ease further into the delicate touch of the brunette's fingers.

"Sorry," she slurred a bit back in response, trying to hold still. Her whole body was tingly with the familiar buzz of alcohol. She took another sip as she felt Toni hurriedly finish the braid behind her, and she couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness when her fingers pulled away.

"Done," the pink haired girl smiled proudly at her handiwork. The one good thing about growing up in an orphanage full of girls was that she knew how to do just about any kind of braid imaginable. And Cheryl's hair was perfect for a french braid. "It hasn't taken me that long to do a french braid since I was like, eleven and just learning," she teased, reaching for another slice of pizza and leaning back against the couch cushions propped up at the head of the mattress. 

Cheryl reached back to feel the intricate braid that covered the back of her head, "Who taught you?"

"I don't really remember," Toni admitted with a shrug, "I remember a lot of things I learned, things I did, but faces and names...they're all kind of a blur. Yours was the only one that stuck." She bit her lip, remembering how no matter what they put her through, she kept hold of the memory of Cheryl's face. It ended up being her biggest motivator as well as the cause of her biggest downfall.

The redhead's glassy eyes searched Toni's face, unsure of what she was looking for. She could tell that her mind was somewhere far off as she started chipping away the polish on her nails. She knew now that talking about the Sisters would triggering for Toni, but she couldn't imagine why. Sure, they would get slapped with a wooden ruler every now and then, but Cheryl never saw it as that bad of a place. Even after being adopted into the lavish life of the Blossom family, she would always wish that she could be back there with Toni. Toni was the only family she knew for the longest time. 

Reaching for her fidgeting hands, Cheryl gave her a small but comforting smile, biting her lip when the shorter girl glanced up at her. She could see the pain behind her brown eyes, and as much as she wanted to know what happened to make them lose the light she once knew, the last thing she wanted was to bring back any painful memories for her.

"Can I do yours?"

"What?"

"Can I braid your hair?"

"Do you know how?" Toni's shoulder shook with a bit of a chuckle. 

"How hard can it be?" 

The Serpent just laughed after a beat and let her hair out of her ponytail, running her fingers through it briefly before turning around so Cheryl had access to her hair. She flinched only slightly when the redhead's fingers met with the silky pink highlights, combing through them as gently as she could. 

"Why pink?" 

"I needed a change," Toni shrugged, staying still as Cheryl clumsily attempted to braid her hair, "I did it a couple weeks after starting at the Wyrm, and I liked it. It's kinda just stuck ever since."

"It suits you, somehow. I wish I could dye mine."

"Why don't you?" Cheryl's fingers paused in her hair for a moment and she knew that she must have struck a bit of a nerve.

"My parents wouldn't hesitate to slaughter me. Red hair is our brand."

_It's a curse._

"Yeah, the girls used to talk about how Blossoms only ever adopt red haired kids. Is it just for image or something?"

Cheryl's fingers fumbled a bit in Toni's hair, getting a bit lost in just the feel of the bubblegum strands. "Image...tradition..."

"Tradition?"

"Nothing, it's stupid."

Cheryl swallowed hard. She knew she got a bit talkative and emotional when she drank, and she didn't want to scare Toni away with her creepy family practices. She just did her best to focus on the task at hand. The noise from the chick flick on the TV provided a decent distraction, but it didn't stop the tears of frustration from welling in her eyes when she just couldn't get the braid to stick. She never learned how to do something so simple. No one ever cared to teach her, there was never a reason for it. But regardless of whether it was a useful skill or not, she hated failing. She despised not knowing how to do something.

"I don't think I can do it," she tried to mask her sniffle with a forced laugh.

"The french braid takes time to master, but a normal braid is easy, watch," Toni assured her, reaching back to start braiding her own hair, "Three sections, left side over, right side over."

Cheryl watched with a slight smile, keeping a close eye on what Toni was doing. It looked easy enough. 

"Try again."

With a nod that the pinkette couldn't see, Cheryl combed through Toni's hair once more before following her instruction. It wasn't perfect, but a few criss-crossed strands later and Toni had a braid in her hair. And the younger girl had to admit she was proud of herself. 

"Not too shabby for a first-timer," Toni felt the braid behind her head as she sipped her own drink. 

Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through her system, but Cheryl felt like she could tell Toni anything. Just like when they were kids, she looked at Toni like she worshipped the ground she walked on. She missed that, she missed _them_. "Toni?"

"Hm?" Toni hummed, checking her hair in the front camera of her phone.

"C-can you bring me that box...the one you kept...?"

Toni's eyes were unreadable as she stared blankly at her, as if she wasn't sure how to process the request. 

"I'm sorry, you don't have to, I just thought we could go through it, but if it's too much for yo-"

"No, no, it's okay, I'll go grab it," she shook her head and got up, lacking a bit of stability after sitting and drinking for so long. But she walked off to her bedroom, leaving Cheryl alone, anxious and wondering as she wrung her pale fingers nervously. 

The younger girl took her time alone to attempt to process her thoughts. What was she even doing here? She wanted Toni back in her life, but a part of her heart ached at the idea of being just her friend. 

_What else is she gonna be, Cheryl? It's friends or nothing. What would everyone think if they found out?_

She unconsciously picked at the skin around her fingernails, a nervous habit she'd had since childhood. Why couldn't she be carefree like Jason? Why couldn't she be loved and treated like him? She didn't know what would happen if her parents ever found out about Jason's boyfriends and trysts, but she could only assume it would involve a mere slap on the wrist and a stern talking to. Hell, Clifford and Penelope worshipped the ground Jason walked on, they would probably be supportive. She'd never get that kind of reaction.

_He's blood. He's their own. You're a plastic pawn on a glass chessboard. You're in game, but you'll never fit in with the rest._

"Sorry, had to take a bathroom break on my way back," Toni came back into the living room with the shoebox and ratty teddy bear under her arm, plopping down on the mattress as Cheryl subtly wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She handed her the box and watched as the redhead settled it in her lap, running her palm over the cardboard lid.

"It's okay...Thank you," Cheryl whispered, lifting up the top of the box. The papers inside smelled like washable paint and mildew, immediately transporting her back the art room at the orphanage. It was always her favorite place to be, even though the ceiling leaked. The air in that room was always damp and musty, making paper curl and crumple in on itself from the moisture. "I remember painting this," she chuckled, holding up a paper with the two of them on it.

"Ah, yes, the self portrait project," Toni smirked. The girls had been told to do a self portrait for one art class. And Cheryl painted Toni's likeness right in her portrait beside her. "You told Sister Ambrose that you did it because-"

"You were always with me," the redhead finished for her, smiling warmly down at the paper. It wasn't amazing artwork, but she had only been eight years old when she painted it. For an eight year old, it was pretty good. "She just shook her head and walked away," she giggled, reaching for the next one. It was another of her and Toni. This time, they had princess crowns on their heads and a rather immaculate castle sat in the background, both of them in poofy ball gowns like out of a fairytale. There were a few random ones of flowers, animals, a fox she had once drawn for Toni as best she could at such a young age. She couldn't believe that she had kept them all.

"Why did you keep all these?" 

Toni just shrugged, biting her plump bottom lip. "I didn't have anything left of you when you left. What was in your trunk was all I had left besides memories. And...later on...they gave me hope, I guess."

"Hope for what?"

"That I'd see you again..." she sighed, hoping that her partial lie wasn't obvious. She _did_ hope that she would see Cheryl again. But the childish artwork was also a motivator; A constant reminder that she had something to live for. The redhead must have accepted her answer since she blushed and moved onto the next piece with a chuckle.

"God, do you remember how paranoid we were about the west wing?" she chuckled, holding up the crayon drawing of the two girls in their blue dresses and red cardigans, standing in front of the orphanage with ghosts lingering in a few upper level windows. 

"Yeah," Toni chuckled nervously, scratching the back of her neck, suddenly feeling like the AC in her apartment was busted. 

"Did you ever find out what went on up there?" 

Closing her eyes, Toni tried to focus. Suddenly the TV was too loud, the hum of the air conditioning unit was like nails on a chalkboard, and she felt like her clothes were shrinking, trying to squeeze the life out of her. She thought as hard as she could about the ingredients she needed to make the perfect Blue Hawaii. Sweet and sour, vodka, blue curacao, rum, pineapple juice... _Fuck_ , she was blanking. 

"Toni?" Cheryl's delicate hand on her arm made her open her eyes and flinch away with a hiss, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No. No, Cheryl, I'm sorry," she shook her head, smoothing her shaking fingers over the top of her head, "I...fuck, I don't even- Just...memories of that place..."

"You don't have to apologize. I was there too, I understand," Cheryl reached over to squeeze her hand reassuringly, her heart breaking at the feeling of her shaking under her touch. And just when she thought she was helping, Toni snatched her hand away. And when Cheryl glanced up with curiosity, she was met with the most menacing, incredulous stare she'd ever seen from Toni.

"You weren't _there_ , Cheryl. You were never there. The orphanage was just one part of that building. You have _no_ idea what the rest of it was. That place was _hell_ and you had no idea." Her tone was almost ominous and it sent a chill down Cheryl's spine as she stared into her darkened eyes, too stunned to speak. 

"Toni...I'm-"

"No just...forget it, Cheryl," Toni got up from the pull-out and practically ran to her bedroom, flustered as she brushed loose strands from her braid out of her eyes. Closing the door behind her, she tried to ignore Cheryl's last call of her name, muffled through the thin wood. She paced around the room, anxious and unsure of what to do as she tried her hardest to distract herself. Calming herself down wasn't always easy. Some attacks came on harder than others. But she had never had so many as she had since Cheryl waltzed back into her life. The redhead just brought back everything she'd been trying to forget. Everything she'd repressed for the past year and a half, it was all resurfacing. Things she never wanted to have to think of again, things she never wanted to mention again, all of it was coming back to her.

_"Antoinette," Sister Woodhouse stood in the entrance to the South Wing rec room, hands folded together in front of her as two orderlies in red stood by her sides. Several patients in blue linen dresses and scrubs turned their heads, but some others, like Toni, were too lost in their own minds to even notice the older woman's appearance. "Antoinette," she snapped, a bit louder._

_But sixteen year old Toni had her head against the glass window as she gazed outside, slightly woozy from her daily medications. They never told her what they were, but they always made her feel out of it. She learned early on what happened if she tried to hide them under her tongue. It was three years ago and she still could taste the bitter latex of the gloved finger that shoved them down her throat. Somehow those gloves made slaps across the face hurt even more._

_A chorus of shoes stomping against the tile echoed in the large room, making some patients cower into the corners and cover their faces, guarding themselves from potential hits from the woman in charge or her minions. But Toni remained in place, seated on the windowsill as she breathed hot air onto the glass pane, fogging it up so she could draw pictures with her fingertip. She was far too distracted with her current drawing of a flower to even hear the angry steps behind her._

_"Antoinette, come with us," Sister Woodhouse's voice finally broke through her daze, causing her to turn her head slowly._

_"Where are we going?" her voice was calm and mellow, as if she didn't have a care in the world what was going on._

_"We'll discuss it on the way, come along. Cooperatively, please, or you know what happens," the white-haired woman gave her a warning tone. She knew what happened if she didn't comply with the rules. She still had the scars on her inner elbow from a tranquilizer needle ripping through the skin of her thrashing arm. She could still feel the bruises all over from being manhandled and struck when she fought too hard._

_Getting up, she slid her canvas shoes back onto her feet and followed Sister Woodhouse, the two orderlies tightly behind her. Shoes echoed through the long stone hallway as others looked on, confused._

_"Back to your activity, Alyssa," Sister Woodhouse ordered gently to a girl they were passing in the hall._

_Toni's head picked up curiously, catching the eye of **Alyssa**. Alyssa was her friend. Alyssa was a few months older than her, but she had been thrown into the psych ward about a year after Toni arrived when they were thirteen. Where she came from, she had no idea. She never saw her amongst the rest of the girls in the orphanage. But things started to change between them not too long ago. Alyssa reminded her so much of Cheryl. She had long, auburn hair. Much more brown than red, though. Her eyes were a shade of blue that felt made you feel cold when you looked into them. A polar opposite from the warmth she always saw in Cheryl's brown eyes. But they still made her feel something in a place where she was drugged and taught to feel nothing._

_She grew closer with Alyssa, not too long after her arrival. She wasn't nearly as fun as Cheryl, but she was easy to talk to. And as the two grew older, Toni found her platonic friendships for the girl changing into something different, something **more**. And it all lead up to the kiss they shared one night last week, huddled in the back of the little theater for movie night. Even under her medication, Toni felt like Alyssa brought light and color back to her dim, grey world. She tried to pretend that it wasn't because she thought of her as a replacement for Cheryl, but it was. She still missed her old best friend and couldn't even feel ashamed when she called the auburn haired girl "Cheryl" on multiple occasions. _

_But something was off. Toni shot Alyssa a secret smile as she followed Sister Woodhouse down the hall, but the tall, thin girl just ducked her head guiltily and shuffled back into the art room. That was strange. It seemed like the walk took forever as Toni tried to think of what could possibly be going on. Maybe Cheryl had come to visit her. But they said Cheryl never wanted to speak to her again. Maybe she was being adopted. But who would adopt a sixteen year old out of a psych ward? Her brain was working as hard as it could to think of something before the sound of keys jingling made her head snap up curiously._

_She didn't know where they were going. The large stained glass cross on the door didn't help much. But behind the door, Toni didn't like what she saw. metal gurneys, rolling trays with tools and medications on them, the dimly lit hallway didn't allow her to see much, but the sounds...people crying, loud banging against the metal doors that lined the halls...where was she? What was this place?_

_Sister Woodhouse stopped in front of a white metal door, unlocking it calmly before leading Toni inside and sitting her on the ratty cot. She thought the ones she'd slept in before were bad, but this one was dirty, stained with god knows what, multiple holes where the stuffing was coming loose. And each corner had uncomfortable looking restraints. She'd seen them on some of the beds of her friends in the psych ward, but they were only there for the flight risks and self-harmers. She was only a flight risk the first few months._

_"Sister..."_

_"Antoinette, your friend Alyssa told us of your behavior at movie night last week," her tone was dark and eerily calm as one of the orderlies wheeled in one of the trays with medical supplies on it. "She said you touched her inappropriately and tried to corrupt her with deviant thoughts and actions." Toni watched, confused as Sister Woodhouse prepared something on the tray with her back turned to her, her stomach dropping to her feet at the sight of the needle in her hands when she turned around. "I had a feeling we would have to do this, Antoinette. You and Cheryl were always so **unnaturally** close as young girls. But of course, then, it was just mere girlish affection."_

_Toni's dark brown eyes watched as the nun flicked her finger against the large syringe, cowering back into the corner of the bed by the wall. "Cheryl was my best friend..."_

_"It's not normal for you to still be so hung up on her, dear. She was adopted into a loving family. She doesn't need you to protect her anymore. Do you think she thinks about you as much as you think about her?" Toni's eyes welled up at that question. She always thought about it, and she hoped the answer was yes, but she had a feeling it was a definite no. "Alyssa told us everything, Antoinette. How you call her "Cheryl" every now and again, how often you talk about her...We tried our hardest, but nothing was ever strong enough for you back in the South Wing. No matter what we did, you remained insistent on this obsession with Cheryl."_

_"It's not-"_

_"And now that we hear about this...this disgusting sin you've committed...we can truly take the next step towards a cure. We can steer you towards the right path once and for all, Antoinette. So today..." she flicked her finger against the syringe again as the orderlies stepped forward, prepared, "Today, the real work begins. No more silly pills and weekly counseling. Oh no, we're going to rid you of those deviant, sinful thoughts. It's going to be a long, difficult process, but it will be longer and harder if you don't cooperate. Understood?"_

_Toni just stared at her before her eyes started to dart around, catching specks of dried blood on the walls and furniture. Like someone had done a poor job at cleaning it up. Her heartbeat picked up speed as she felt the walls closing in on her. Her ears started to ring as one of the orderlies grabbed her leg to pull her towards the edge of the bed, the other holding her arms as she started to thrash. Her stomach was in knots, and she could barely think, but she knew she had to get out of here. She had to, she didn't know what was going on, but she didn't want any part of it. She wanted to go back to her room, she had such a nice view of the forest. Here...from what she could see out the window, she had a nice view of the flower garden where she and Cheryl used to play. She remembered being eight years old, staring up at this very window as someone would bang their head absentmindedly on the glass. This was it, this was the West Wing. And as Sister Woodhouse shoved the needle through her skin, Toni cried out in agony as she realized that this was the end of the line for her._

"Toni!" Cheryl rushed to kneel beside the fetal brunette, her heart thumping harder than ever as she felt how much the shorter girl was shaking. Her body was covered in cold sweat and her eyes were dull and distant from what she could see. "Oh my god, Toni," Cheryl breathed shakily, staying kneeled beside her as she wondered what to do. Should she call 911? Should she get her some water? She'd never been in this situation before. "Toni, come on," she cried, tears flowing down her cheeks as she wiped Toni's damp forehead with her palm before reaching for one of her hands. She didn't expect such a tight grip, but Toni was practically breaking the bones in her hand. But she held back just as tight, trying to convey the message that she was there. 

After a few minutes of being unable to help Toni through her attack, Cheryl picked her up as best she could after a quick warning, pulling her to her wobbly feet and leading her to the bathroom just outside the door. She sat her on the toilet seat lid and wet a wash cloth with cold water, holding it to Toni's face immediately after wringing it out. "Toni, breathe, please just breathe," she begged, her voice cracking with despair. With one hand gently on the pink haired girl's face and the other gently dabbing around her skin, Cheryl breathed deeply, trying to lead by example for Toni who started to pick up on it after some encouragement. 

"There you go, keep breathing just like that," she whispered, her voice shaky from fear. She'd never seen Toni like this. She'd never seen _anyone_ like this. If anything, she was the one who needed to be comforted, though she was never this bad. Showing such emotion was frowned upon in her family. "Come on, TT, keep breathing," she soothed, despite being a nervous wreck, herself. 

She broke away only briefly to fill the cup that was sitting on the sink with water, holding it to Toni's lips to make her take small sips until she could hold it on her own without spilling. The redhead sat on the edge of the bathtub next to the toilet, rubbing Toni's back and talking her through her breathing, unsure of what else to do. But it appeared to be working regardless.

It felt like hours before Toni spoke. She was still shaken as Cheryl dabbed the sweat from her exposed skin, but the cool cloth and small sips of water were helping. Though, her calm didn't last long when she remembered how she had snapped at Cheryl before storming out of the room, and how stupid she must think she was for having a fit curled up on the floor like a baby. 

"I'm so sorry. I-I don't mean to get l-like that, I-I just-" she stammered, unsure of how to explain herself.

"Shh, Toni, don't apologize. I don't know what you went through, but it had to have been something traumatic. _I'm_ sorry that something I said affected you like that..."

"It wasn't anything you said, it's the way I reacted to it," Toni sighed, her heart still pounding a bit in her chest. 

"We don't have to talk about...the old days, or whatever. I don't want to if it's gonna do this to you..."

"No, I like talking about when you were there with me. Those stories never give me any problems," Toni panted, still a bit out of breath. 

Cheryl could feel her tense and still shaking under her touch as she wiped tears from her tanned cheeks. She had never been affectionate since being adopted into the Blossoms. She used to be as a child, but being denied so many times, she learned to get used to not being touched, hugged, or comforted. Now, a simple hug or a hand-hold was all she would ever offer up to anyone. But with Toni, it was like nothing had changed since their childhood. She didn't feel weird or uncomfortable touching her, leaning her forehead against the side of her head as her thumb swiped absentmindedly across her cheek, matching the pattern of her breathing. She was just focused on making sure she was all right. She'd been scared plenty of times in her life, but nothing could compare to the fear she felt when she saw Toni curled up on the floor, pale and shaking.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" she pulled back from Toni's damp temple, brushing hair back from where it was stuck to her neck. It was strange how natural she felt with her, especially considering how awkward their reconnection had been so far. 

"Take me back to the living room and forget this ever happened," Toni breathed, a slight chuckle escaping her dry throat as she stood up with a bit of a wobble, "I'm really sorry."

Cheryl offered her a warm smile as she followed, not even realizing that she was holding tightly to her hand. "No need to be...we're friends, right? You'd do the same for me."

Toni nodded, leaning in for a hug. Cheryl smelled like rosewater perfume and Absolut Cherrys. And it was an oddly comforting combination. "Yeah," she smiled into her neck, taking one last breath of her before pulling back, leading her back out to the living room. She flopped down on the mattress, taking a deep breath as she reached for the ratty little teddy bear that was sitting against the cushions. 

Cheryl sat down tentatively beside her, watching as she held tightly to the teddy bear. It was small, she remembered it being a lot bigger. But she was a child the last time she'd held it herself. 

"Sorry," Toni broke the silence when she noticed Cheryl staring, holding the bear out to her with a little chuckle, "I know he's yours, I've just kinda gotten used to cuddling him at night." 

"No, it's okay," she giggled lightly, finding it endearing that Toni refers to the bear as 'he', "I'm glad he brings you comfort."

"I always figured he had some kind of magical comforting power or something," Toni smirked sadly down at the little bear, "You always seemed so at peace when you had him."

"Yeah, I guess he helped a little but...I had you," the redhead bit her lip shyly, feeling the nostalgia bubble up in her chest as she remembered the stormy nights when she would crawl into Toni's bed, seeking comfort that her teddy bear just couldn't give. It wasn't the stuffed toy that made little Cheryl feel safe, it was her best friend. Toni had been her rock, her security. Looking back, she didn't know how she would have survived in that place without her. And that thought only made her shiver with anxious guilt, knowing that Toni had to do it without her, both before and after her time there. 

She didn't realize how hard she'd been biting her lip or how long they'd been sitting in silence until she heard Toni sniffle, bringing her back to a state of consciousness as she looked up just in time to see the slender, pink haired girl wipe under her eyes. It was strange seeing Toni so vulnerable. She had always been the strong one, the one who knew what to do and how to make her feel better. 

"Come on," she whispered, reaching out to touch the smooth, tan skin of Toni's arm to ease her down onto the thin sofa mattress, ignoring the prickles of electricity she felt under her fingertips at the contact. Regardless of whatever confusing feelings she was harboring deep inside, Toni was her friend first and foremost. She offered a warm smile to the sniffling woman, wrapping her arms around her as she tried to make it comfortable for the both of them. She wasn't used to this, cuddling or even sleeping beside someone else. Affection wasn't exactly something that the Blossoms were known for. So just the feeling of Toni pressed against her side was enough to make her heart beat faster. 

The pinkette turned in her embrace, pressing her back against Cheryl's chest and forming her body to fit like a puzzle piece against hers. She reached back for her pale fingers and looped Cheryl's arm around her waist, holding tight to her hand as she nuzzled into the pillow under her head. 

"Thank you," Toni mumbled sleepily, running her thumb over the soft skin of her hand while she clutched the teddy bear tightly to her chest.

Cheryl just sighed, breathing in Toni's fruity shampoo as she pressed her nose to the pink locks that were barely being held together by her poor attempt at a french braid. "Any time," she whispered, unconsciously pressing herself closer to Toni's back, the warmth between their bodies bringing both girls enough comfort to fall into the best sleep they'd each had in over ten years.


End file.
